Gravity
by Airwtw
Summary: A doll displays no emotion, no will, no independence. It is simply controlled by its user. This may describe Rei Ayanami's appearance, but there is so much more. She feels emotion but knows nothing about expressing it. A strong bond changes that greatly.
1. Prologue

**Obvious, Unnecessary Disclaimer: I don't own Eva. You know this. I know this. Everyone knows this.**

**_A/N: _**Trying to keep characters in character (Rei especially). The main change I'm going to focus on is creating connection between Rei and Shinji that is much stronger than the original and then watch how it affects the rest of the story. Lots of intro-musings and exploring the characters' thoughts. The story gets better as it goes, though the writing style stays the same. Obvious eventual SxR pairing. This is my first fic, so I would **REALLY** appreciate any reviews and feedback you would leave for me, good or bad. I may go back and revise segments as this story continues. I plan for this to be a relatively long fic, so any support is appreciated.

_Check my profile for information on future updates._

**_Prologue_**

A dull, constant roar permeated the air, even through the shabby walls that made Rei Ayanami's tattered apartment. Rain was a funny thing. A single raindrop would make a delicate splash as it landed, but in the torrential downpour that soaked Japan, the sound effectively shattered the silence of all but the most sheltered places.

_But it is still... beautiful._

Soft lights shone through, distorted from the sky's tears, ineffectively trying to light up the darkness of night that had settled over a peaceful Tokyo-3. Water clung to the blurry glass that she stood in front of, still as a statue but for the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed and just as silent. It had been raining all day. Despite the maelstrom outside, she felt very much at ease.

_Is this… contentment?_

Rei, who had little to do outside her normal routine, had spent most of the day simply staring out the windows, watching the wind and rain twist and turn as it flooded the empty streets. The rain didn't bother her; in fact she mildly enjoyed watching the rain plummet from the sky, the crispness of the air, the smell of the rain meeting the dirty streets, and the constant sound that somehow seemed less empty than the usual silence or unrelenting clamber of construction crews. It brought in her an odd sense of what she supposed was peace, despite the ever-present emptiness that came with her isolation.

_Alone._

Ever since she was very young, she had always been alone. Commander Ikari had thoroughly shaped the environment around her, molding her into the strange young girl she had become. She was a tool, for the sole purpose of initiating Third Impact and granting Commander Ikari's dream of being reunited with his lost wife, but she didn't mind it; she knew nothing else. To her, the brief flashes of emotion she had witnessed in him had anchored her, reaffirming her purpose.

_Concern for another._

The only person to ever show care for her was the Commander. So she lived to fulfill the purpose laid out for her. The few bonds that she had with others, she cherished deeply.

It wasn't that she hadn't encountered other beings to interact with, but rather that her soft yet direct manner of communication didn't suit for conversation. With one outstanding exception, people simply ignored her, mildly disturbed by the emotionless tones with which she spoke and her expression that was so utterly devoid of emotion. They gave her space, and she saw no reason to seek otherwise. Even so, she wasn't without emotion (despite what her appearance and actions may have suggested), she was just very good at controlling and tempering her mind, will, and feelings (though she hadn't experienced many). She blocked out what wasn't needed, and focused what was useful.

_Unnecessary._

Like her speech patterns and expressions, the rest of her life was made up of the necessities and nothing more. Comfort was essentially unnecessary. Isolation was the most efficient method of accomplishing what needed to be done, with no extra connections or bonds to get in the way. She ate instant meals that provided her the nutrition she required in a time-conserving manner, taste or variety being inconsequential. Cleaning her apartment beyond what basic functionality required was extraneous. She passed her time reading instructional manuals and textbooks, meditating, training herself, or simply staring into space.

Lightning split the sky, briefly illuminating the towering city and casting flickering black shadows into the disorderly living quarters behind her. The walls were plain, showing signs of deterioration and decay. The bed in the corner was unmade. Dirty dishes stacked high from the sink in the kitchen, which was otherwise nearly untouched and consequently coated in a thick layer of dirt and dust (much like the rest of the abode). But it didn't even occur to her to change the situation.

_One… two… th— BOOOOOOOOM…._ The contents and walls of the barely-stable complex shook as thunder rolled through them.

A small, black cellphone began to ring, conquering the roar of the rain as it danced across the desk against the wall. The azure-headed teen snapped her arm left to where it lay within arm's reach and answered it as she continued to gaze through the sliding glass door and into the storm

She waited.

"It's time."

"Yes," she replied softly to the Commander's cold voice on the other end, and with that she briskly walked out the door, stuffed full of unopened mail, and into the chaotic storm as she began the short trip to NERV. It was time to activate Unit 00.

]|[

_Pain._

Intense, crippling, mind-shattering pain. Pain so strong that it blocked out everything else, tingeing her vision red and causing her ears to ring unpleasantly.

Rei was no stranger to pain. With all the experiments and accidents that occurred because of them, you might say she and pain were the best of friends. But even with her iron-will and steel-grip on her mind and body, even she could not keep from tensing her entire body and gripping the white satin sheets with all her might, a soft cry escaping her contorted mouth, as she surfaced from the dark pool of unconsciousness. Her eyes were squeezed shut. A single tear slid slowly down her pale cheek as she fought to gain a measure of control over her unwilling body and clung desperately to consciousness.

Slowly, her breathing began to stabilize as she methodically relaxed her entire body, simultaneously reducing the pain and discovering the worst of her injuries. The pain killers were beginning to kick in. She let her eyes crawl open, dim light creeping in and revealing a pristine white ceiling. Sound came to her next. People shuffling about and quietly communicating as they tried to keep her stable. The soft beep of a pulse monitor. The sickening drip of an IV, supplying a precious trickle of nutrients and pain killers.

…_Why?_

Memories trickled slowly through the disorienting pain killers swimming through her brain as she tried to recall what brought her to current… situation.

]|[

Rei Ayanami, the First Child, had been sitting quietly in the entry plug of the giant mecha, absently tuning out the various technicians' reports and commands as they began the test. Synchronizing with an EVA was an odd feeling, as the massive beings of destruction had a rather compelling mind of their own, held back only by many mental and physical restraints in the form of vibrantly colored armor. Standing taller than most small buildings, their distinctly humanoid figure and terrifying size invoked the appropriate amount of fear into those that worked near them. NERV was playing with fire, and they knew it.

_Pain_.

She gripped her head, breaking away from her reverie as a crippling pain split through her head. In the background technicians and scientists were shouting, though she only barely recognized their cries at the time.

"...the pulses are flowing backward!"

Unit 00 began thrashing and pulling free of its bindings.

"Berserker!"

"Disconnect the power!"

Rei felt her mind diverge completely from the furious, raging beast as it began to tear apart and smash the giant test chamber, aiming for the tinted window looking into the small command center. Commander Ikari stood motionless even as fists the size of large rooms pounded into the orange-colored window, denting and filling it with spider-web cracks, unable to break through. The beast roared in rage and ejected the rocket-propelled entry plug.

Were it not for the LCL dampening the barrage of impacts as the plug slammed around the chamber, the First Child would quickly have become no more, like a small animal shaken to death. The entire sequence played slowly for her, as she felt each impact shake her sleight frame, each bruise and cut form, each bone break from the cushioned impacts. The ten seconds that the plug bounced around the chamber felt like minutes.

Several extremely tense seconds after the plug touched down in the corner of the room, the giant Eva powered down, its fist resting in a crater it had created in the wall just moments earlier.

_Chaos_.

The command center was a hurricane of shouting technicians and scientists, but the Commander had an uncharacteristic concern coloring his features as he dashed into the test chamber, making his way to the super-heated entry plug resting at the far corner of the room.

"GYAAAHHHHH" Jumping back, Ikari released the emergency manual exit handles of the entry plug as they blistered through his pristine white gloves, searing his hands. He grit his teeth and tried again, shouting once more as he turned the handles and hoisted the small door open, his glasses falling to the LCL soaked ground at his feet, cracking the lenses.

Rei looked up slowly, nearly unconscious from pain, meeting the commanders cobalt eyes, reading the concern that shaped his features as they reshaped into relief. She passed out soon after.

]|[

_Peace_.

Despite the incredible pain she was in, these memories brought her a certain level of contentment.

_To be needed._

It was a pleasant notion. _I am needed_. Having purpose was comforting, a path in the forest of life to give you direction rather than just wandering, existing merely for the sake of existing. As her thoughts danced through these ideas, she drifted into a fitful sleep.

]|[

"Rei…. Rei!"

She stirred, still in a haze of pain. Only a few days had passed since the failed activation, most of which she'd spent sleeping; trying to gain what little relief she could from the constant discomfort.

The Commander. "Yes?" she replied softly.

"The backup turned out to be useless. Try again." Commander Gendo Ikari intoned emotionlessly through a small com system adjacent to the hospital bed.

"Yes sir." _Obey orders. Always._

Her features contorted gently as she slowly slid out of the hospital bed, moving towards the plug suit across the room, half folded and hanging slightly over the edge of a small table. _Determination. _Each step felt like she was lifting lead, sharp stabs of pain assaulting her. Her gaze clouded and her ears began to ring as she slowly made her way to the plug suit. A nurse cursed and helped her across the room as she clung desperately to her consciousness, fighting back the pain that threatened to overtake her.

Her mind drifted into a stupor as she was undressed and then helped into her plug suit, then rolled on a gurney, each bump and rattle spiking her pain and pushing her will to its limits.

_How long can I keep this up?_

She focused on breathing and relaxing her body as she was wheeled to the EVA cages, battling pain the entire way. She would push the pain back, gaining more control of her body for a few moments only to have the pain spike at the next door threshold or quake from the attacking angel, nearly overcoming her will. The thirty second journey felt like it would never end.

Finally, Rei exclaimed softly in pain as she was wheeled across the connecting bridge leading to the entry plugs. Sounds blasted around her, incoherent through the fog of unconsciousness that she was desperately fighting back. As she passed a slight figure, shorter than the others and standing near the center of the bridge, she felt something. Time seemed to slow down as she took in his presence. He was a small framed boy, certainly not unattractive, with dark hair. Their eyes met, crimson and cobalt, and a jolt passed through her, neither pleasant nor distasteful, seeming to rise from her gut._A bond_, she thought through her tenuous grasp on consciousness.

_BOOOOOOOOOM_. Technicians and staff scrambled as a giant quake shook the facility, sending anyone without something to grab onto tumbling to the floor, including Rei. If the trip here had challenged her pain tolerance, it was nothing as to now. The gurney crashed to the floor, overshadowed completely by the ear shattering thunder of the angel's attack, and her body landed hard on the metal walkway, several of her more serious wounds re-opening. The haze of pain flooded over her, blinding her senses, as she desperately tried to stay sane.

_Touch_. The boy picked her up, the strange feeling that jolted through her just moments before returning to the points of contact where their bodies met and spreading slightly, though the sensation was almost entirely overshadowed by the pain threatening to take her under at any second. Moments passed before she unclenched her eyes, finding the boy staring at her.

_Unfamiliar emotion._

Something was different about his eyes. His features were arranged in a way that would almost indicate pain, but not quite. His eyes were filled with an emotion foreign to her, and had she been slightly more coherent she might have so uncharacteristically inquired to discover more, but she was at her limit.

"ALRIGHT! FINE!" the boy half-screamed, his voice breaking in despair. "I'll do it, I'll pilot the EVA!"

Gendo nodded from the observation room near the top, a cruel, thin, smile touching his features momentarily, gesturing to some of the staff.

The First Child finally lost her grip on the pain and slipped into unconsciousness.

]|[

_To be continued..._

**_A/N:_** Prologue to set the ground work. It's all pretty basic background information that anyone who has seen Eva probably knows, but still necessary in my opinion. I needed to drop a few hints and make a few changes to play off of for the next chapter. If you notice any grammatical errors or anything of the like, send me a pm or tell me in a review and I will correct them ASAP.

**Last revision: 1/6/2012**


	2. Pull

**Obvious, Unnecessary ****Disclaimer: I don't own Eva. You know this. I know this. Everyone knows this.**

_**A/N: **_Thanks to everyone who read and/or reviewed the first chapter, it really encouraged me to keep writing. I was very pleasantly surprised by the positive feedback I've received. Please continue to review this story; even if it's only a few words, it keeps me going!

_**Chapter 2: Pull**_

A cool breeze brushed through Rei's azure locks as she stood watching blood-red waves lap at her feet. The ocean continued as far as she could see, meeting the light blue sky with striking contrast. Somewhere in the back of her head, she realized she was dreaming, but instead of dwelling on it she simply enjoyed the feel of fine sand beneath her toes, the sound of waves lapping softly and occasionally crashing against the wavy shoreline, and the strong wind buffeting her body. Everything felt so surreal despite its vividness.

_Peaceful… but something is wrong._

She turned to look down the shoreline and saw a figure, difficult to make out because the distance, and began to walk purposefully in its direction, delicate footprints in the dampened sand trailing behind her. Time didn't feel like it was moving any faster or slower, but by the time she had made it to the mysterious person standing on the shore, the sun had begun to set lighting up the sky in breathtaking colors as it met with the horizon.

_Shinji Ikari_.

The person that looked like Shinji turned to her and met her eyes, his face neutral and his cobalt eyes guarded. Something was different about his gaze as he beheld her, and a cold feeling began to grip at the base of her spine. He was wearing his usual black and white school uniform, and it flapped in the wind. _This is not Ikari. _She waited for him to speak.

After some time, he finally broke through the repetitive sound of wind and waves beating against the sand, his gaze still locking her in place. The tension had spread from the base of her spine though the cold feeling did not, effectively trapping her in his steady glare. "Why are you here?"

A moment passed. "I don't know," she replied quietly, before returning the question.

Their eye contact had not broken since it had established. The sun had set and the sky was now darkening as the light faded from the world. She blinked, and when she opened her eyes there was nothing. The Shinji figure was still facing her at the same distance and in the same posture, but aside from themselves they were surrounded completely by the void. Despite the absence of any light source, she could see him clearly. Only a handful of seconds had passed since she had returned his question.

"I am always here," he replied, "because this is where you keep me." Silence descended the pair once again, shocking and nearly painful compared to the steady sounds of the beach. The cold feeling spread.

Rei quietly considered his reply, still watching the cobalt pools filled with emotions she didn't recognize. More time passed, though she was completely unsure how long with nothing to gauge it by. Soon a question once again passed her lips.

"Who are you?"

The boy replied without hesitation. "I am you."

She closed her eyes for a second, surprised by his answer, a delicate frown touching her features. When she opened them again she was sitting up in a hospital bed, the same one she had been in after the failed Unit 00 activation. The boy stood, still staring knowingly at her, with a small grin pulling up the side of his mouth. Something about his features made him seem distinctly unfriendly. The cold feeling was now from the base to the top of her spine and still creeping outward. The sounds of the hospital found her ears, though it seemed to be muted slightly and in the background.

A couple seconds had passed. The boy spoke again. "I am the you that you suppress." An involuntary shiver flashed down her body and the cold gripping feeling spread even further.

"I am the part of you that you don't understand," he continued, "I am the you that is an individual." His grin head spread as he spoke, now distorting his features as his gaze turned almost cruel. "Tell me," he said, "why do you choose to pilot Evangelion?"

The question had surprised her, but she answered honestly. "It is a bond. It is my purpose. It is all I have."

The boy laughed darkly for a moment before continuing, "And is that enough for you? Are you satisfied with your solitude? You are completely alone, yet you do nothing to change it. You have dismissed the emptiness you feel as a mere side effect of your beloved Commander's scenario?"

"My emptiness is inconsequential," she replied steadily, squirming internally under his gaze as she fought back the cold sensation that was twisting her insides into knots, "I am replaceable, and thus worth very little. I am a tool. Is that not acceptable?"

She blinked again to discover that the figure at the foot of her bed had turned into a mirror image of herself with a psychotic grin plastered across her face, twisting her delicate features into an extremely terrifying expression. The room faded slowly around her and the bed beneath her vanished. They were back in the void.

"No…." her other half said softly, her eye's boring into Rei's. "No… no, it is not."

Rei began to fall, her other half just watching and laughing as she plummeted through the darkness. She could not help the scream that escaped her lips, finally losing herself to the terror that had crept its way through her defenses.

]|[

The first child was screaming as she bolted upright in her bed, tangled in her bed linens. Her heart was hammering painfully in her chest and she was in a cold sweat, making the already cold air around her almost painful. Gasping for breath, her scream subsided as soon as she recognized the dull walls around her that held together her messy apartment. She got out of bed quickly, her injuries screaming in protest as she made her way to the bathroom.

The toilet seat creaked as she stumbled and landed on her elbows over the bowl, her body rejecting whatever was left of last night's dinner. The dream slowly began to ease after she wretched, and she flushed the toilet and turned on the shower. Her entire body was tense and shaking in the cold, stale air. Her eyes flicked to the digital clock hung on the wall, displaying the ungodly hour with a soft red light.

_Too early._ She undid her bandages and got in the shower anyway. Showers were one of the few things that Rei Ayanami actually looked forward to. As she stood motionless and unblinking under a steady curtain of hot water, the steam billowing around her, she slowly began to calm down. Muscles came unwound and relaxed under the persistent suggestion of the warmth spreading over her.

She released a long, satisfied sigh, closing her eyes. Showers were indeed one of her most pleasant experiences.

_Fear_, she thought, remembering the cold clutch of the overpowering emotion that had been gnawing at her just minutes ago. Even though she was not afraid of death—she had long since learned to disregard that primal fear in the face of all the painful experiments of her past—she was familiar with subtle tastes of fear when in combat (simulations). These small pangs were an insignificant echo in the face of the crippling force that had overcome her in her dreams, but it was from this taste that she recognized the terror that had only just released her.

_What am I afraid of…? _She continued to ponder as the warm water slid down her body, quenching the shivers and pushing the lingering sensations of the vivid dream from reality. Absently she began to trace patterns on the misted glass shower door. _Death?_ No, that wasn't right. Rei did not fear death. She could not only be easily replaced by any of the floating clones that Gendo kept in a tank below NERV, but she simply had no aversion to dying. To her, the thought of eternal nothingness was very nearly a comfort.

_Emotions are the manifestation of an unmet need,_ she reasoned. This concept was simple and clear in her mind. Hunger is the result of a need for food. Thirst, for water. Anger was born of injustice.

_Fear is born from the unknown._ People do not fear death, they fear what they don't understand—the part that comes after death. Fear is the natural reaction to encountering something you can't understand. _So what don't I understand?_ She pondered that for a moment, slowly beginning to wash herself in preparation for the day.

The entire dream had despite its surreal and eerie feel, been extremely vivid. Her alternate-self stood out like a thorn in her mind, and in that moment she realized her true fear.

_I am afraid of myself. The part of myself that I do not understand._

After she finished showering, she dressed and grabbed a frozen breakfast from the freezer in the kitchen, dropping it in the microwave that beeped as she punched in the time designated on the box. She watched it spin for four minutes, clearing her mind and focusing on the tasks required of her for the day. That was the first night she had ever dreamt of anything more than emptiness.

Rei ate quickly, as usual, and left the house for school even though she was still very early. Over the last three days since the third angel's appearance, she had been filled in on both battle and the pilot that fought, Shinji Ikari.

They had passed each other from time to time when going through NERV or the hospital, each time making a steady eye contact as they passed by. Each time he passed, strange emotions were either born or strengthened significantly, leaving the first child at a loss and the third rather uncomfortable. Thoughts of him crept unbidden through her mind quite regularly since their first contact, a fact that she simply didn't know what to do about. Since she didn't understand the strange emotions that were beginning to blossom within her, she had decided to take action.

_Understanding a situation is critical to making an accurate decision, _she justified as she mentally ran over the plan in her head. She needed to know the most efficient way to react to her feelings, if at all. The reality was that while the first child both felt emotion and understood the _concept_ of emotion, she had a difficult time linking the two together. While more basic emotions like anger were easy for her to identify—anger as it was described to her and what she was actually feeling—other emotions had her completely in the dark. She had attempted to analyze her feelings towards the third child and was successful in isolating the emotions themselves, but was unable to identify it as a concept; namely identifying the type of bond they shared.

In short, she needed someone to help her identify why she felt the way she did and what it signified. Mentally she had ruled out the commander—she felt his time was too important. Ritsuko Akagi was also an… undesirable option, not only was she likely to alert the Commander of her queries but she understood that the doctor had a distinct aversion to her. Outside of that, Rei really didn't know anyone else at NERV nor did she have any friends she could consolidate with. She could ask Shinji himself, but for some reason she was not entirely comfortable with that. Leaving her with only a few other acquaintances, the best of which was Hikari Horaki, the class representative.

As she thought further, she realized this may have been the best choice of people regardless. Poor Hikari was head over heels for Touji Suzuhara, a fact that Rei, in her ever-observant demeanor, had not missed. _She has experience with the emotion known as love and the context required to identify it._

The morning was quite beautiful, though rather crisp. Clouds floated aimlessly through the sky, while soft birdsong mingled with the sounds of a city waking up. Rei barely noticed her surroundings as she walked slowly to school, her arm in a sling and one eye covered. She was not completely well, but a dull ache had replaced the sharp pain of her injuries, very easy to block out and forget about.

The first child meandered slowly into the classroom and took her seat, resting her head on her good arm and turning to stare out the window immediately left of her desk. She was (not surprisingly) the first one to arrive, giving her plenty of time to watch puffy white clouds drift by and consider the thorough plan she had devised. Today, one way or another, she would some answers.

Students began to arrive, but the class rep was not one of them. This was a minor annoyance to the statuesque first child, as she has hoped to talk to Hikari without distraction and more or less privately. _Bothersome, but the plan will remain._ By the time she finally arrived, there were several other people present and talking inanimately among themselves. Rei silently rose from the simple desk in front of her and made her way to the class rep, standing near the door of the classroom and talking casually to one of her friends.

]|[

To say that the pig-tailed class representative was surprised would be an understatement. Rei Ayanami, who had never before spoken a word to her other than the most basic of acknowledgements when asked a direct question, had approached her unbidden. She was speechless.

"Class Representative Horaki, may I ask you a question?"

Rei had to repeat her name twice before she finally replied with a slightly breathless "Yes?", the shock evident on her face. Her friend was equally dumbstruck, sitting in a desk a meter or so from the baffled class rep.

If the two were surprised before, it was nothing to the utter astoundment that followed. Rei's question was very simple and direct, like most of her mannerisms. "How would you describe romantic love?"

It took a moment for Hikari to gather herself enough to even reply. "What?" she said in incredulously. Rei simply repeated herself once more and then waited expectantly for an answer, her face the same neutral mask it always was.

Quiet banter filled the silence around the three students as moments passed. No one else had noticed the trio's rather unorthodox conversation.

"Wh.. Why would you ask me that? I mean, what makes you think I know much about that kind of thing anyway?" Disbelief was evident in Hikari's voice.

Rei, unlike the scattered class rep, replied without hesitation. "I require perspective on this topic, and you are the best person available to me to ask. Additionally, I was under the impression that you had experience in this emotion with To—"she had begun to turn to a certain jock that had walked in several minutes prior Hikari, before being cut off with a startled _eeeep_ as the class rep quickly closed the distance to the azure headed girl, covering her mouth and pulling her into the near-empty hallway and then a few meters from the door.

Hikari turned to meet her captive, her hands anchored firmly at her hips as she released the first child; her mouth was slightly turned down despite the evanescing blush in her cheeks. She sighed in displeasure as she pivoted, then spoke. "What do you want to know?" her tone rather short.

Rei clarified. "How would you describe the feeling of romantic love? Exactly what do you feel?"

The class representative narrowed her eyes to the completely austere girl in front of her, deciding exactly how to answer. She was embarrassed of her feelings towards the thick-headed jock, and were it anyone else asking, she would think they were making fun of her (though not a soul would dare to, her wrath was rather well known despite her small stature). She sighed again after a moment, breaking the intense gaze and looking up slightly as she fought to find words to describe the feeling.

Her voice was softer as she replied, the indignation fading to earnestness. "What you ask is a difficult question to answer. Everyone is bound to experience love differently." She paused. "But for me? You want to be near the person. You want them to be happy and safe. When they're gone you feel emptier than before." Rei started slightly at this, though Hikari didn't notice, her gaze slightly glazed as she sought to voice her emotions. "You desire their contact, their attention. The pull you feel is persistent and rather strong, like… gravity. Though you may feel this way about family or friends, it's…" she paused, searching for words again, "… just different. It feels stronger, and the need for contact is much more present." Rei nodded at this, certain phrases standing out as she took in every word and committed it to memory with an ever-somber expression.

Hikari snapped back to reality, her gaze clearing as her brown eyes met crimson ones. "Why did you want to know, anyway?"

"I required clarification. Thank you very much for your time," Rei said softly before turning to go back into the classroom, now more than half full as the time for school to begin approached, leaving a still surprised and confused class rep behind. Silently, she sat at her desk assuming her normal stare-out-the-window posture.

Several more minutes passed before the third child arrived, stopping for a moment at the doorway as he instantly became aware of Rei's presence before continuing to his seat. She noted the fact that she was keenly aware of his arrival as he moved to his desk, feeling his eyes rest on her after he sat down. It was not an unpleasant feeling that unfurled in her. The pull she felt seemed to strengthen slightly along with her curiosity.

Despite the changes within, Rei's expressions and posture didn't display a single variance from its usual blankness.

]|[

_To be continued.._

**A/N**: My apologies for the delay on this chapter, I was planning to update this earlier since the chapters are short, but some other things came up. Anyway, this chapter was a lot of fun to write and I hope it was just as interesting to read. I now have a better idea of where I want this story to go and how it will develop so that I don't end up writing myself into a corner.

As always, every review is very much appreciated even if it's short. Next update in about a week.


	3. Taking Action

**Obvious, Unnecessary Disclaimer: I don't own Eva. You know this. I know this. Everyone knows this.**

_**A/N: **_Yay! Early update! Alright, first of all, I didn't mention this but the fight with the third angel happened exactly as it did in the tv series, along with everything else on Shinji's end except for the parts mentioned in the last two chapters. Rule of thumb: if I don't mention it, assume it happened like it did in the anime. With that out of the way, thank you everyone who has continued to read and review my story, I REALLY appreciate it.

_**Chapter 3: Take Action**_

A drop of water glistened in the dull morning light, gradually gathering moisture from the stoplight it hung from. A thin layer of dew covered Tokyo-3 as it gradually began to stir. The world looked distorted from the slight reflection projected on the growing droplet. The air was still, an eerie silence on the giant city broken from time to time by the chirp of a bird or the footsteps of someone going to work. The few people that had passed by were bundled up, trying to fight the biting cold that saturated the metropolis.

Misato probably would have looked up at the sky and grumbled half-heartedly about the need for warm clothing and the prospect of rain as she hustled off to work. Gendo would have simply dismissed the cold apathetic sky and its promise of rain; it was of no consequence, not affecting his scenario in the slightest. Ritsuko was probably too wrapped up in her mountainous work load to even notice. Not a single person noticed the tiny drop of water as it prepared to dive at the unforgiving concrete below.

But Rei was a little different from other people; in fact she was very different. She was not the type that would immerse herself completely in her work, nor was she they type that concerned herself greatly with the future or the path set in front of her. She simply lived in the now, taking in the moment for what it was worth without worrying about the past she could do nothing about or planning for much more than the immediate future. Still, she was known to ponder her place in the present.

The dew drop finally gained enough mass to escape the grasp of the metal it so desperately clung to, plummeting to the ground beneath it. At the last second, Rei stepped under the over-hanging stoplight to make her way across the deserted intersection on her way to school and the ice-cold droplet landed on her pallid cheek, splashing softly before sliding down to her jaw, a cold trail of moisture left marking its journey.

Rei stiffened, stopping to lift her thin hand and caress the trail of water, taking it from her cheek and examining it.

_I wonder… is this what it feels like to cry?_

She stood still, interrupted from her ponderings, taking in the dead silence she hadn't noticed as she thought.

_Peaceful,_ she thought, _but…_ _unsettling_.

Quietly she considered the saying "calm before the storm," wondering if the serenity around her was to be interrupted soon. Her head turned to the up, examining the brooding grey clouds that billowed across the sky, almost completely blocking it out. _It will rain soon, but probably not until much later today_, she decided as she started walking again, letting her hand drop to her side. The wet trail on her cheek burned, the moisture making the freezing air particularly biting. She rubbed her fingers together absently, slick from the water she'd wiped off.

Her thoughts returned to a more pressing dilemma as she resumed her journey to class. It was Thursday morning, three long days having passed since she questioned the flustered class representative. Shinji and Rei had maintained their distance from one another, occasionally locking eyes or openly studying each other (not that anyone noticed) and the rather strong feelings that were unfurling and creeping through her body and mind had only gotten stronger. The pull, the need to be closer, the curiosity, all of it had only intensified as time passed.

_Change._

Something within her had changed since she had encountered the third child, a fact that she was acutely aware of, but at a complete loss for how to deal with. When you encounter any given situation, you effectively have two options to choose from. Deal with things how they are, or take action to change them.

While the emotions she felt now were not uncontrollable, she knew that things would only get worse unless she took action. _Unless emotion is released, it simply builds up until it finds an outlet, _she recalled from some psychology textbook she had read in the past_. _Eventually feelings come out one way or another, and usually pent up emotions were much more difficult to control both when kept in and when released.

_Emotion embodies a need, _she pondered… _then what do I need?_

"You want to be near the person," she recalled Hikari's explanation. _But it's not that simple._

Even applying Hikari's entire explanation, it was not enough. It didn't completely capture the concept of what she felt, and it added things she didn't feel at all. _There aren't words for this…_ she shook her head. That didn't matter. What was important is how she was going to handle this. Still her mind didn't seem to want to cooperate with her.

"Everyone experiences love differently_._"

_Love. What an ineffective label for such an apparently dynamic concept._ If that's what these emotions even add up to.

She stopped at the front of the school, clearing her mind before continuing up to the classroom, early as usual. _I feel a pull. That much is obvious, so I will start there,_ she resolved as she arrived for class.

Rei was worried Shinji would not even show up today until he arrived several minutes late, apologizing for his tardiness and taking his usual seat. At ease from his arrival, she turned to watch the brooding rainclouds and think until lunch.

]|[

The reality of what Rei was feeling was actually not terribly complex, she was simply ill-equipped to deal with any form of emotion, though this experience was certainly teaching her. Even she was able to sort out exactly what she was feeling, it was just the matter of _why_ that was confounding her, as she tried to apply logic to something fundamentally irrational.

Exactly what Rei was feeling for Shinji wasn't love, in fact it could scarcely be considered a crush. It was more of a surprisingly intense interest that coincided with an odd, unspoken bond between them, like a spark. Certainly it could lead to friendship or love, but for the moment it was simply a pull. They both desired to investigate the other and the bond they shared. They wanted to _understand_.

Rei didn't approach because she didn't see a reason to; to take action meant to seek a desired outcome, and since her ideals were so grounded in logic, emotion didn't seem to be valid grounds for action. Or at least until this morning, anyway.

Shinji didn't approach because he simply didn't know how. The quiet, aloof girl intimidated him slightly and his normal introverted mannerisms didn't suit him well for conversation in the first place. How could he, who had spent most of his life avoiding as much contact as possible, reach out to another person who was even less social than him?

But three days of brooding on one's growing emotions can make a person resort to action. Likewise, to someone observing the situation from the outside, it would not seem surprising that Shinji had finally resorted to talk to the first child, but to her on the other hand…

"Ayanami…?" Shinji tested, after coming to a stop at Rei's desk, two lunches held in his hands.

Rei looked up in surprise, her brow rising ever so slightly, turning to consider the person now standing before her. She had not heard the class be dismissed for lunch, but quickly gathered such as she came to her senses, her ponderings interrupted.

"Yes?" She replied, noting the slight discomfort in his posture before meeting his eyes. _Nervousness_, she recognized. He swallowed awkwardly before continuing. She didn't understand his discomfort.

"W-Well, I noticed you never have a lunch, so I thought you might like one. There was some extra when I made Misato and I's this morning." Never mind that he had deliberately made a little more than usual. He offered one of the lunches with his slightly shaking hands, waiting tentatively in the silence that followed.

_Unexpected._ Never had anyone shown concern for her that did not directly fulfill a purpose. Even the Commander kept her in good health simply so she could perform well in his plans, and she knew this and was even happy about it (_it is good to be needed)_. But to do something for another person when you did not directly gain from it? This was a concept completely foreign to her, and caught her entirely off guard.

The seconds stretched on.

Shinji was about to apologize, his automatic defense for any unpleasant situation, when she finally took the extended bento, nodding and looking down to examine it. He plopped down into a desk beside her in relief, a great deal of his anxiety residing.

"Thank you…" Her reply was soft, so much so Shinji was barely sure he heard it. An unconscious smile pulled up the corners of his mouth.

Rei stared down at the bento, considering her reply. She had never thanked anyone before, though she understood that this was the proper response when receiving a gift or something of the sort. _The first words I speak to him are words I've never spoken before._ Surprise and a sort of contentment echoed through her.

She turned to examine the enigmatic third child, still slightly dazed. He was just beginning to unpack and dig into his lunch, taking the first bite, savoring it, and then nodding in approval. The sounds of the classroom were all around them though neither teen really took them in. No one had noticed the two pilots as they sat together, rather than their usual solitude.

Shinji turned to her suddenly, meeting her eyes. She noticed the unsettled look had faded significantly and was replaced with a certain… curiosity? He spoke.

"Try it," he insisted quietly, gesturing to the meal in front of her. She looked at the meal as he pointed, then back to him. He nodded in encouragement, a smile lighting his face, stirring odd feelings in her gut and distracting her slightly. _I… enjoy his smile._

She took a bite, savoring the medley of flavors that put her instant meals to shame. She considered for a moment, tilting her head slightly, her hair brushing her cheek. "It is quite good," she said, turning to meet his eyes. He smiled wide again, and resumed his own meal.

_This is pleasant; this presence._ Contentment blossomed in her. _I will inquire more at another time. For now, this is enough._

In the end, she hadn't needed to take action after all, Shinji had done so instead. _Still, __**someone**__ had to take action to incite change_, she noted.

They ate in a relatively comfortable silence, occasionally commenting or remarking on the food but mostly just enjoying one another's company and general closeness. Neither of them noticed the glare that fell on Shinji from a rather upset jock across the room.

]|[

A shrill ringing sound emitted from Rei's bag as she made her way out down the empty halls towards the exit of the school. Calmly, she picked it up, waiting expectantly.

"…"

"An angel is inbound. Report to NERV immediately. Bring the third child."

"Understood," she replied, snapping the phone shut and walking to find the aforementioned boy.

When she made it to the exit, she was greeted with an unusual scene. A slight ways away, the third child stood in front of two boys, Kensuke Aida and Touji Suzuhara, with his hands casually hooked in his pockets, staring at them with an even gaze. None of them noticed her, and the two boys were facing away from her. She began to approach, silently as always, but paused just out of their notice as they began to speak.

"So you're the idiot pilot, eh?" the dark-haired jock said, a bit of frustration and anger coloring his tone.

Shinji, to his credit, answered evenly. He was still in a good mood from lunch earlier, his courage having paid off well. "And if I am?"

"Well then," Touji drawled, pausing, "… then I'd have to punch you." Shinji didn't even blink. Rei was confused by this answer, but remained silent and listened.

"He's a mean one, ain't he?" the smaller bespectacled Kensuke chimed in.

"You see," Touji continued, "my little sister got hurt in that fight. And it's your fault, see. 'Cuz if you hadn't trashed half the city, then maybe my little sister wouldn't be stuck in the hospital right now." The jock continued to glare menacingly at Shinji, measuring his reaction.

Shinji paused, considering this. In another time, he would have resented being harassed for doing something he didn't even want to do. He would have been irritated and lashed out, having nothing to ponder but himself and his own self-pity. He would have just taken the punch and felt even sorrier for himself. But he didn't do that. Shinji was less irritable (though still annoyed), and though he didn't like the fact that he had to pilot Eva, he had spent a great deal more time thinking about the enigmatic first child than wallowing in his own misery. So when he replied, his face was sincere and his eyes were unusually piercing, contrary to their usual wary or blank look.

"Do you think I meant to hurt your sister?"

His question was direct, and combined with his gaze, had the jock pinned in place. Despite his small stature and unthreatening appearance, Touji was slightly intimidated. A couple of seconds passed, the silence rather unsettling. But that was essentially the one thing he didn't want to hear. He needed someone to blame, he was pissed that his sister was hurt and Shinji needed to be the one responsible. He opened his mouth for a haughty reply, but Shinji spoke first.

"It is a _miracle,"_ Shinji paused, "…a _MIRACLE_, that not just I, but humanity survived that day," he said, letting his irritation and indignation creep into his voice. He breathed in and out evenly, staring intensely at the opponent opposite him. He wasn't stupid, and he knew the stakes when he got in the Eva. Not that it was anything close to fair.

"I'm genuinely sorry that your sister was hurt that day—that was not my intention," Shinji continued, and then his voice filled with a mix of scorn and disdain. All the pent up feelings of anger filling him up, how _unfair_ it all was. That _he_ had to be the one to "save humanity." That his father didn't even bat an eye at his arrival, that he was just being used. That no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get the one thing he knew he wanted; the approval of his father. That he was alone. His self-directed hatred.

"So _yeah_, the next time I'm fighting for my damned _life_, I'll make sure to be conscious of the buildings I'm being _kicked_ _into_." And with that, he turned and began to walk away, too caught up in his fury to even be surprised at his own actions.

Rei was surprised to see the third child so affected by his emotions. From the reports she had read and the content of his file from NERV, she had gathered that he was a rather introverted person. He did what he was told and didn't lash out. He was quiet, well-behaved, and never really asked for anything. And yet right here, she had seen just a small glimpse of exactly how much he was holding in as he vented his fury. She broke from her reverie, moving to prevent the now furious jock's next action. And she did so out of sheer reaction, without stopping to think.

Touji was outraged. After a moment of shock from the sheer _gall_ of Shinji's words, his face contorted and he leapt forward, drawing his fist back to punch the brooding pilot in the face, his other arm extended to grab and turn Shinji for a clean shot. But something stopped him, quite abruptly in fact.

"Wha..?" he said in surprise as Shinji turned back towards him.

Rei had caught his drawn-back arm at the elbow, stopping his movement completely before he could even get close to Shinji. Her face was the usual blank mask and her hair was swaying slightly from her sudden movement. She was not muscular, but her thin arms were tensed as she paused, then kicked the stunned jock squarely in the back of the knee, collapsing him and then smoothly swinging her body around to slam her elbow squarely into his solar plexus, easily knocking the wind from him.

She released him, letting him fall to the ground clutching his stomach and trying to breathe as he curled into the fetal position. Kensuke's eyes were wide with shock, and even Shinji who had turned just in time to see the entire sequence looked surprised, though traces of fury still touched at his features.

"You will not harm Pilot Ikari," Rei stated simply, her mind catching up with her reactions in short order.

_To protect._ Satisfied with her work, she turned to the slightly dazed third child and spoke.

"There is little time. We are needed at NERV," she spoke, then turning she began to quickly make her way towards Headquarters without waiting to see if Shinji would follow.

He caught up easily, matching her fast pace.

"Ayanami?" he said after a minute or so, his voice complacent.

"Yes?"

"…Thanks." His voice was firm and sincere, though hushed slightly.

Surprise, and another feeling, flashed through her. She met his gaze briefly as they walked, nodding in acknowledgement.

_To be needed,_ she noted with surprise. She didn't entirely know what to make of her actions. Protecting Shinji hadn't been thought out or planned, it simply happened automatically. She reacted as though it was the most obvious course of action in the world, even though she had never felt the need to defend another person in her life. Not that she really had anyone to defend besides the Commander.

_Is that why I defended him, because he is Commander Ikari's son?_ No, that wasn't quite right. Yet she had done so without even thinking. _I defend the Commander because it is essential to my purpose. But then why do I defend Shinji?_

She didn't have an answer by the time they arrived at NERV. Alarms began to sound around the city, signaling the public to evacuate to their designated shelters. Shinji's brow furrowed at the sound.

]|[

_To Be Continued…_

**A/N: **And that concludes this chapter. We got a nice glimpse of pissed off Shinji. When I first wrote that part I was worried about that being a bit OOC, but it flowed so well. As I considered it, I realized that this is probably how things would have ended up if he wasn't so stuck on feeling sorry for himself, and his time with Rei and pondering his feelings towards her would have served as an adequate distraction. Gives him something else to focus on. Though I think he might regret his words a little later, but whatever. Originally I was planning to include the fight with the angel in this chapter, but I thought it would be better to push that into the next chapter.

As eager as I am to get Shinji and Rei to further their connection, I'm trying to pace it at a reasonable rate and make it realistic. I'd really like feedback on this specifically, if you're reading this and you feel like telling me.

If you notice any grammatical or spelling errors, or have any questions/comments/suggestions, please send me a pm or let me know in a review! Thanks!

**In reply to some reviews:**

SkyeandMax.. Thanks a lot for the support and encouraging words, lol. I'm glad that I've more or less captured Rei's thought patterns without letting things get OOC and I'm glad that I can keep you guessing :P

NoNameAvailable Bis.. Yeah it may get difficult to keep her in character, but I think as long as I smoothly work into the way her character changes as a whole, things will stay realistic. And Rei is certainly going to change.

Jano-HA.. It is rather interesting. In regard to NERV employees, aside from Gendo and Ritsuko, I'm pretty sure they're clueless. Throughout the anime at least they seem very sympathetic to the kids and actually get upset that they have to use children for such brutal conflicts. They're all pieces in Gendo's twisted scenario.

Sakura Scout.. I think we all have a bit of an inner-Rei-fangirl :D. I really hope I can keep up the standard I've set with the first two chapters.


	4. Restless

**Obvious, Unnecessary Disclaimer: I don't own Eva. You know this. I know this. Everyone knows this.**

_**A/N: **_Jesus, what a week. If it isn't one thing it sure is another, ne? I apologize for the late update (almost two weeks!) but it really couldn't be helped. In fact, I should be studying right now instead of righting this, but hey! Thank you all of my supporters, readers, and reviewers, you guys have really encouraged me to keep writing and I'm very glad for all the feedback I'm getting. I truly hope I can live up to your expectations for this story.

_**Chapter 4: Restless**_

Ayanami floated peacefully within the entry plug of Unit 00, suspended in LCL. It was an odd feeling, breathing such a viscous liquid, but it ended up requiring less effort; the orange fluid was much more densely packed with vital oxygen than ordinary air allowing for fewer, easier breathes. Her body was completely relaxed except for a light grip on the two control yokes in front of her. She wasn't synced with her Eva right now, and wouldn't be unless absolutely necessary, but NERV always had a backup plan. If Shinji were to fall to the fourth angel, she would be required to sync and attempt to defeat that which he could not. However, considering what happened last time, she was put on backup.

Her mind was still connected with the various mental interfaces required to even begin syncing with an Eva, allowing her access to communication and video feed from NERV HQ and the third child, as well as leaving her ready to begin the synchronization process at a moment's notice. Despite the fact that she wasn't actively synced with Unit 00's mind, she could still feel the distant light of another consciousness, consumed and brooding in a primal rage. _Just like last time. _Not that it really bothered her. The feeling of slightly pressurizes LCL surrounding her and the freedom of being submerged was actually pleasant once you got used to breathing. Still, just as her body drifted, so did her mind.

Since Shinji's arrival, Rei had been put into a state of emotional turmoil (comparatively, at least). In her life, she had always had an obvious and logical course of action to compliment her well defined purpose. Emotion was something unnecessary, an idea that had been thoroughly conditioned in her through Gendo's rigorous mental conditioning. Not to say she didn't feel emotion, but she was only exposed to a very narrow range of feelings thanks to both her isolation and the mature mindset that her purpose required, even at a very young age. Consequently, both the sheer amount of new sensations and emotions flooding her being and the intensity of them had her head reeling.

At first she had simply suppressed these new feelings, as was what the most logical course of action seemed to be. _Why? For what purpose?_ Acting simply based on emotion was simply a foreign concept to her. Maybe it would benefit her, but that was irrelevant; all that mattered was the scenario, and such actions would hardly benefit that.

But gradually as time passed, her emotions growing as she dwelled on them, the question turned from _Why_, to _Why not_, leaving her with her current situation. _I defended Pilot Ikari without purpose— no, rather without incentive_. The purpose was obvious; to protect. But the incentive? It all came down to why.

Obviously, Rei was not the sort of person to act rashly or without thinking. In the same respect, her reactions were extremely sharp, but they were generally already thought-out. _Follow orders._ When given an order, she would simply follow it, as she had been taught. This was easy to understand. But to defend the pilot without a pre-determined purpose or reason? Not so much.

_Did I protect him for the sake of this mission?_ No, that wasn't right. This was a completely valid reason, but it had certainly not occurred to her at the time. She wasn't under any kind of order to secure his safety, nor involve herself in any way with his affairs. When she had disabled his thoroughly surprised attacker, she had done so in pure reaction, just as naturally as she would dodge a blow in combat or follow an order from the Commander.

Rei simply couldn't see the answer. She couldn't even blame the reaction on emotion, as she had no recollection of any distinct feelings to react to.

_This must be something deeper. More fundamental._

But what was deeper than logic or emotion? What else was there? Humans are creatures of the mind, and even she, despite her inhuman aspects, was bound in the same way. The mind can be divided into three main aspects; emotion, logic, and spirituality. These aspects often overlap and influence each other, causing thought and action to be based on the mind as a whole. Even so, when she was clueless to precisely what she was reacting to, she was unable to even begin to break things down.

_Unless…_ she thought, considering the enigmatic bond that she shared with the third child, _…that is the reason?_ If emotions could be born from this connection, why not reaction? The notion surprised her, but it made a certain amount of sense. _How does this affect the scenar—_

A pained cry from a voice she recognized instantly broke her from her thoughts. Quickly taking in the cockpit around her, she pulled up several video streams including a feed from the command center and Shinji's own cockpit. Shinji had a pained look on his face, but was otherwise alright. The command center was in disarray as usual, so she turned her attention to a third window, watching a battered green and purple Eva rise from the crumbled remains of a building.

Discomfort and something akin to anxiety sprung forth in her gut and she began to tap her fingers on the controls. _Restlessness_. The LCL seemed thicker somehow. Her heart began to beat harder.

The giant, red, squid-looking angel floated threateningly towards Unit 01, brandishing its two glowing tentacle-whips as it prepared its next advance. Shinji's face paled on the display as the fourth angel rose up to its full height. A second passed, feeling like an eternity, as the two enemies simply watched the other.

_Move. Move. Get out of there._

She was about to call out, her fists clenched tightly, when Shinji got up and dodged backwards as two whips collided with the floor he'd been crouched on but a moment before.

Things moved fast. The angel was relentless. Shinji managed to dodge several more attacks, but was thrown far across the city onto an adjacent hilltop by a sweeping attack from one of the deadly tentacles, cutting his power supply.

Shinji had his eyes squeezed shut and was grunting. Various alarms buzzed through NERV and several technicians began to count down the remaining battery life. Sounds seemed to blend together as the restlessness intensified, so intent was her focus as she watched the battle transpire. Annoyed and anxious, she would likely have been confused had she stopped to examine her feelings, but at the moment that didn't matter. She couldn't afford to zone out again. Still, her features reflected none of the strain she wrestled with.

It wasn't that she didn't have faith in his ability to defeat the angel or in him as person, though she was beginning to doubt he had any training at all, but rather that she could do nothing to help. Nothing is harder than watching a situation you desperately want to change but are completely unable to take action in.

_Helplessness._

Shinji's view rolled left, revealing two terrified students crouching between his Eva's massive digits. Recognition flickered as she took in the cowering forms of Touji and Kensuke. _Why?_ Irritation and frustration flared in her, intensified by her inability to help. _They will only get in the way_.

And they did, as was apparent on the third child's face. He could do little to move without injuring them. Panic written across his features, he turned to see the alien had already closed the distance between them and was beginning a downward slash at the trio. Quick as a gun, he caught both tentacles, his face distorting in the pain of gripping two energized whips at a respectable 67% sync ratio.

Rei was at a loss. Even the command center seemed stunned at the new development.

Misato ordered him to let the two students in the entry plug with him, which, despite protests from surrounding staff, he quickly complied to. She watched the two dark bodies drop down into the entry plug as it locked back into place.

Her restlessness had only gotten worse. She wanted to be deployed immediately to help, despite the risks of untested reactivation, but she could do nothing but wait for orders. _Orders that aren't going to come until Shinji is defeated._ The situation was critical with just 57 seconds left of internal power.

Misato spoke again, commanding Shinji to retreat and regroup back at NERV. Seconds passed. He was whispering something, his head hanging slightly, his bangs hiding his eyes. _What are you doing? You have orders, move!_

"Shinji, can you hear me? I said retreat, now."

Finally he lifted his head, an odd look in his eye as he shouted, "I WILL NOT RUN AWAY!" He flung the angel off him and then charged after it down the slope, his fists clenched on the controls and his face contorted as he shouted.

_He disobeyed orders..?_

His prog knife met the glowing core with a crash, followed by a sickening grinding that, along with is warcry, completely drowned out the chaos of the command center. The glowing tentacles had pierced the abdomen of his Eva, but aside from a brief groan of pain, he didn't even seem to notice. His eyes were mad.

Numbers flashed in the corner of her eye as she watched the red power countdown gradually tick down to zero. _He won't make it._

Seconds passed. Slowly. Painfully.

_He won't make it._

Just three more seconds… two… on—

The core flickered and went out, the prog knife sliding into it as it exploded in blood with a sickening _spulch._ The eerie glow of the thrashing tentacles subsided as the massive angel stopped moving entirely, falling to the ground. A second passed.

Cheers in the control room. Victory. Relief. But not for her. Not for the pilots.

She watched as his arms relaxed against the control yokes, his expression changing as his head fell. The sobs were silent, but she saw them tear through and shake him. Gradually as the noise of the control room faded, the NERV staff turned back to the screen, stopping the cheers and celebrations of others as they watched.

Silence descended. Tokyo-3, Rei's entry plug, NERV headquarters, it was all the same. Nothing was heard except the sobs of a broken pilot.

Several seconds passed. For a moment, nobody moved, but soon the staff began to (hurriedly) take action to retrieve the crying pilot, though quietly. Rei could only watch, a strange pain filling her as the anxiousness subsided, though the restlessness remained. She still could do nothing but watch, overcome with emotions she scarcely grasped.

The brooding sky finally released its tears, as if to mourn with the boy.

]|[

The moon did not shine that night, completely blocked by the angry rainclouds that were still pounding the city. It was coming down hard, despite the brief softening earlier in the day. Normally this wouldn't bother Rei, but tonight for whatever reason, she could not find the sweet clutches of sleep. No matter how she tossed and turned, no matter what she did to clear her mind, she still clung to consciousness with a death-grip.

She rolled over again, grasping the sheets and sighing as the smooth material slid across and wrapped around her. Her eyes eased open to stare at the wall her bed was flush with. She could count on one hand the number of times she'd been unable to find peace in sleep. Except for last week, she'd never dreamt. Her control over mind was absolute, or it used to be.

And yet she could not stop thinking, wondering, analyzing. To say she was exhausted was a bit of an understatement. Sure, physically it had been a long day, but emotionally she was spent. So many new sensations and feelings had her in a daze at first, but the more she pondered, the sharper and clearer they became. And the more the haze of exhaustion clouded her mind. Yet still, she could not find peace.

She blew a strand of azure hair from her eyes, watching as it came to rest on the pillow under her. Her thoughts drifted back to just after the retrieval of Shinji…

_She leaned against the wall of the locker room, sliding down and sitting as her mind tried to formulate some plan of action. Even though she desperately wanted to help Shinji, to reach out, to do __**something**__, no matter how she wracked her brain she could not come up with a solution. Reaching out to other people was so foreign to her; she simply didn't know where to begin. Frustration gripped her as she clenched her fist._

_**Not enough**__, she thought. At lunch, he had been the one to approach her, but even then they did nothing but talk about the superficial. And even that insignificant interaction was something she couldn't initiate._

_**Why?**__ If only she knew. If only she could help. She needed to understand. It was not enough._

_It was then, in her frustrated musings, that she heard voices._

"_Why did you ignore my order?"_ _Female voice, sweet, but firm. _

"_I'm sorry." __**Shinji. **__His voice had taken its usual soft, submissive tone._

"_I'm the one who's in charge of your operations, right?" Shinji spoke a soft acknowledgement. "You're supposed to obey my orders, you know. Do you understand?" Another acknowledgement. "I'm warning you, never do it again." Yet another acknowledgement._

"_Do you really understand what I'm saying?" The voice was louder, frustration coloring its tone._

"_Yes."_

_She heard a stomp. "You're not going to get out of this by just saying yes to everything I say!"_

_A sigh maybe. "I know that, but that's enough right? We won the battle anyway. Why does it matter?"_

_Footsteps, sharp like heeled shoes. "Do you really think that's it? All you've done so far is just go along with what everyone else has to say. You've just done what you're told. If you get in the Eva with an attitude like that, you'll get yourself killed!" A rustle of cloth, something fell and slid across the hard floor, echoing. Her voice was outraged. __**It sounds like she lifted him by his collar…**_

"_I don't really care." Complete apathy. She started slightly. The thought of his death was uncomfortable. "Besides," his voice continued after a moment, pausing, "I'm the only one who can do it right? Besides Rei, who is injured right now anyway." __**Is that the only reason you pilot?**_

_A long pause._

"_I'll see you at home." Resignation. Several seconds passed. Footsteps. She somehow felt Shinji had left._

_The slap of a hand meeting a cheek echoed through the ventilation._

_Rei didn't get up for several minutes, trying to process what had just happened._

… It made no sense. Today had obviously shaken the troubled pilot, but she didn't know how or why. She hadn't really understood the reason she felt such a connection with the third child to begin with, but she had been able to grasp the reasons behind her emotions and urges in general. Emotion was essentially an embodied need, be it anger, lust, fear, or anything else. The logical course of action to satisfy such emotions was to meet the need they represented, something she had denied herself because it did not serve her purpose.

But now, she desired to help and understand him, which was doubly confusing. She did not know why she felt the need to help him. Her grasp on her own emotions was tenuous at best, so trying to understand another person's thoughts and feelings was extremely difficult. The restlessness bubbling in her still not faded.

_You can only keep in emotion for so long before it will find a release._

She needed to take action, that much was obvious. It was how, exactly what action to take, that was the problem. Slowly these feelings were pushing her to take action simply for the sake of action, something fundamentally against Rei's nature. She always thought out her stratagems and actions beforehand, trying to take into account all possibilities and potential problems before she actually did anything. But she was reaching her limit.

_Tomorrow, _she thought, _I will take care of this tomorrow. There is nothing I can do now._

In any given situation, you have two options. Take action or deal with it. It was useless to worry over things you cannot yet change.

She sighed, rolling over again. Rain battered the windows. No light entered the room. The first child did not find sleep for a very long time.

_It is not enough._

Somewhere in the city, a cobalt-eyed boy shifted restlessly, similar emotions plaguing his mind as sleep continued to escape him.

]|[

_To be continued…_

**A/N: **This chapter was easy to write in some parts, and difficult in others. We're starting to see the effects of built-up emotion in Rei, which will play out fully in the next several chapters. Still, things seem to be progressing slowly, though I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Time will tell I guess. I've got big plans for our two main characters here. As usual I wanted to include more in this chapter, but naturally the sections I wrote came out longer than I anticipated.

I should totally be studying for finals right now, but I couldn't get this out of my head. I haven't slept yet, it's 3am and I have a final tomorrow (today, now) so let's see how I do, eh? If all goes well I will have the next chapter out within the week, but I can promise I won't be abandoning this fic.

One other thing. At some point in the story, Rei and Shinji are obviously going to become very close emotionally. Since physical closeness goes hand and hand with this, there will probably be some sexual content. I haven't yet decided how to handle this, as I kind of just have to write and see what comes out best, but I'd like to know readers' opinions on a bit of lemon/lime. Should I leave it out entirely, post it in a separate story, like an out-take or something? Regardless of what I do, if I do include sexual content, it will be well marked and easy to avoid if that is your desire.

If you notice any grammatical or spelling errors, or have any questions/comments/suggestions, please send me a pm or let me know in a review! Thanks!

**In reply to some reviews:**

SkyeandMax.. As always, thank you for your continued support. I agree completely with your analysis of the Shinji-Touji conflict, in fact when I wrote it I was thinking of when he through the tantrum in his Eva over HQ after the dummy plug was initiated. Kid has some pent up resentments, and they definitely surface during the show, it just happened to be at a different time for my story. You're also right about the Alternative Character Development, and I'm aware of that fact; I just want to make sure it all fits together nicely; I've read several stories and seen several shows where some of the developments and/or pairings are really forced, so I want to stay away from that.

New Order.. Okay man, kudos to you. That shit made me fall off my chair laughing, simply amazing. But yeah you pretty much captured his anger and resentment in a nutshell. I might end up having to work a Falcon Punch into one of the fight scenes just for giggles.

The-Mrning-Star.. I suppose the real difference is the emotional stimulation from this unspoken connection they have, forcing them to confront their feelings in a different way than in the original. Personally I believe that Rei is still in character; note that through the entire time, her mannerisms, expressions, and actions not directly related to the changes being invoked from the story are all very Rei-esque (or rather, neutral to the point of near apathy.)

EVA-Saiyajin.. I tried to give the impression that he was about to punch him. Note the differences in the story so far, the time line for everything got stretched a bit, allowing more time for character development. Also I thought it would make a lot of sense for him to not just totally blindside Shinji. In that situation, for me at least, I would rather the kid know exactly why he's getting the shit kicked out of him. Touji is trying to displace the guilt and resentment he feels, meaning he doesn't want Shinji to just give in, it would be much more satisfying to have a nice fight. Justification is the bottom line.


	5. Contact

**Obvious, Unnecessary Disclaimer: I don't own Eva. You know this. I know this. Everyone knows this.**

**_I now regularly post information on the progress and rate of updates on my profile. If you are curious about when the next update is or something like that, check it out._******

**_A/N:_** Alright, first of all, I've decided to bump the story up to 'M' in the next few updates. This is because I feel it will be easier to write without having to worry about the rating and because eventually things will get… bad. This is Evangelion. I have plans down the road for this story of the proverbial shit hitting the fan, added to the possible (key word, possible. Not absolute) lemon/lime content with Rei. Asuka's not exactly a K+ rated character to begin with, and I intend to present her in her full and uncensored glory. In regard to the lemon/lime content, if it is present in this story, it will be tasteful and fit well. Furthermore, it will be clearly marked for those of you who are not inclined to read such things.

Lastly, this story is obviously different from the original series. I've yet to decide how the story will end, as there is a lot of stuff to deal with before that. That being said, I'm not going to promise that the ending or anything else will be any less screwed up or heart wrenching than the original. Things could turn out to be a happy ending, or they could go terribly wrong, it's all up in the air at this point. However, I will promise to give a _conclusive_ ending.

Now with that out of the way, please enjoy the latest chapter.

**_Chapter 5; Contact_**

Rei eased her eyes open and sat up. She quickly returned to awareness and took in the worn walls of her apartment as she swung her legs from under the sheets and made for the bathroom. The air was cold and dry, biting at her unclothed skin. As she passed the sliding glass door she noted that the rain had relented slightly, allowing for a clearer view of the drenched city.

It was Friday. As the first child went about her morning rituals, she did so with unease and an unnatural haste. The restlessness of yesterday had only strengthened and on top of that she had not slept well. Usually the rain would calm Ayanami as she laid face-up in bed, closing her eyes and listening to the sound of millions of drops of water slam into the earth, but last night it had only unsettled her further.

_Regardless. Today I will approach him._

She had no idea what state he would be in when he arrived at school, but her determination was strong. To her dismay, they had not had any contact after the distressing battle with the fourth angel, not that she would have known what to say anyway. And yet still, she desired so deeply to reach out to him, breaking past all the mental conditioning that Gendo had so carefully cultivated without a second thought.

Lately he had seemed, well maybe not happy but at least alright when he was around her, striking a deep contrast to both his exploding anger and his broken sobs of yesterday. And it was in this memory that she realized what she needed to do. Without bothering to grab any form of protection from the dismal weather, Rei stepped out the door and began her trip to school, still deep in thought.

_I know almost nothing about him. I must change this._

The how was simple and matched her forward nature perfectly. Ask. The corner of her mouth pulled up slightly at the thought, pleased with the simple solution to a problem that had plagued her mind for so many hours._Still, it is unlikely it will be that simple._

But at least it was something. A step towards resolving her inner turmoil. It was far better than being helpless again, and it lessened the unease that had pushed her to such a conclusion, though it did not dampen it entirely. As she dodged puddles through the light drizzle that misted the city, she still felt the seed of restlessness that was firmly settled in her gut.

As usual, Rei arrived early to school, her rush this morning causing her to be the first student to enter the classroom. She shook her head slightly as she sat down, moving some stray hair from her eyes. It was pleasantly warm within the school, much different from her apartment. The rain still fell against the window, but it was soft and added to the serene atmosphere, tempering the first child's worries.

Minutes passed with agonizing sluggishness. Irritation flickered through her mind.

She could stand to watch out a window for hours on end, simply waiting. Her entire life she had never been impatient or even particularly eager for anything, but today the seconds seemed to drag.

There was nothing she could do but wait. She was beginning to strongly dislike this feeling.

Each time a student would come through the door, hope would bubble briefly in her until she saw that it was not the troubled pilot she was looking for. Her anxiousness only increased.

The bell rang, and students found there seats. Ikari still had not shown up for class. The teacher soon began his drone on second impact, but she didn't notice.

Minutes passed. She fidgeted impatiently. The restlessness that had receded before came back in full force.

Rei checked the clock for the eighth time in the last five minutes. 8:31am.

_Enough._

Without speaking, she rose from her seat and walked quietly out the door of class, ignoring the stares and hushed whispers as she passed. The still-lecturing teacher didn't even notice.

She didn't notice the uncertain gaze of a black-haired jock or the quiet, measuring stare of a bespectacled otaku. Her mind had one thought, and one only. _I will find the third child._ She walked out into the softly falling rain (it had picked up slightly), ignoring the cold water as it began to soak her clothing.

]|[

Shinji Ikari let out a long, drawn out sigh as he leaned against the metal guardrail separating him from a painful fall to his death. The rain had picked up again but the wind stayed almost still, contrary to the writhing tunnels of water from yesterday. Instead, there was a steady and very strong downpour.

The third child shifted his weight from his left elbow to his right as he looked out over the cliff at the cold city below him. It was a beautiful view, as the rain was surprisingly easy to see through. Were it not for the black poncho that covered him, not only would he have been completely drenched but incredibly cold, though he still wasn't exactly warm. It created a rather melancholy environment, pristine and peaceful, that seemed to anchor his dark thoughts and feelings.

_Why,_he mused. _Why did it have to be me?_

It was so unfair. For the entire world, even his own father—no, especially his own father— to just thrust their burdens on him. He didn't want this, he didn't need this. Why should _he _be the one to defend humanity? Inwardly he cringed as he remembered the pain of his last battle.

Syncing with an Eva… it felt so unnatural. He distinctly recalled the pent up rage leaking from the barely-contained alien as their minds began to draw together. It was uncomfortable. It was frightening. It was painful. _It was unfair._

So he did what he always did when he couldn't handle something; he ran away. It didn't help anything, it never had and he didn't think it would now, but he didn't know anything else. His mind screamed at him to run and so he did, he succumbed to his fear and anger. _The sky is already crying its eyes out; maybe I should as well? _But no, that wouldn't accomplish anything either, and so here he was, leaning over the view Misato had taken him to after his first battle.

"_This is the city you saved,"_ he scoffed, remembering her words. _What a joke._ And for what? What had he gained in the end? Nobody liked him any better; he was still an outcast at school. Hell, one of them had even tried to beat him up (though he did feel bad about the guy's sister. He would have to apologize later). But that just drew his bitter thoughts to the enigmatic teen that had saved him… he seemed to think of her so often now... a twinge of regret poked at him as he realized he wouldn't get to see her today.

_Who is she, what does she want, and why do I feel the way I do around her?_

It wasn't like Shinji had never had a crush on someone before, he was familiar with that. He was thin and somewhat scrawny, but not unattractive, so naturally some girls had tried to make a pass at him. That is, until they ran into the iron wall that was Shinji. Girls for the most part just left him a nervous, stuttering wreck. He had a hard time connecting with people in general, let alone the opposite sex— crush or not.

But this was different. _She_ was different. And not just because she appeared to be as socially isolated as he was. The feelings he wrestled with when he was around her… it was like he just had to be near her. It was attraction founded on something even more basic than appearance or personality, something he didn't really know how to react to and was even somewhat afraid of. He could feel it even now, ever so gently pushing him to go seek her out.

_Being close to someone just means they can hurt you._ He didn't like being hurt; he'd had a lifetime of that.

Not that he didn't try anyway, he thought grinning. And it had turned out surprisingly well, too. Not only had she not refused him or called him names, but she actually complimented his cooking and seemed to be… well at the very least, relaxed. There wasn't the same emotional anxiety when he was close to her, just more of a desire to find out more. It had bolstered his confidence significantly, though that had been injured from the last angel attack.

He wasn't stupid though; he was painfully aware that he knew almost nothing about her, even after his inquiries to Ritsuko and Misato. She piloted Unit 00, and had no family. His father kept a close eye on her and was even known to show brief flashes of concern around her, which he was somewhat jealous of. And yes, she was always like that. Quiet, thoughtful, and extremely blunt. But he wanted to know more, much more.

And maybe if he found out, he would understand why he had this incessant need to interact with her.

Shaking his head, he broke out of his reverie to take in the roaring rain around him, assaulting his outerwear with somewhat loud taps and indents. _It's cold_, he thought, drawing his hands to his face to blow warm air in them. His dark pants clung to his legs, sucking the heat from them.

Quietly he considered if he should return, weighing the idea in his mind. If he went home, he'd have to deal with Misato again, something he'd like to avoid since he was still annoyed with her. She'd chewed him out pretty good after the battle, and while he didn't let it on, it bothered him.

_I killed the damn thing, so why do they still yell at me?_

It wasn't fair. He sighed again, lifting his hands to catch the evanescing warm air. On the other hand, if he didn't go _somewhere_, he'd be stuck out here, cold and wet from the legs down. He imagined it was afternoon now, so maybe Misato wouldn't be home. Maybe he could sneak in and change, shower, and then just leave again.

_No, no_, he chuckled and shook his head. _They'd probably find me as soon as I swipe my keycard_.

And so the third child continued to watch the clouds empty on the unforgiving city as he pondered his dilemma. It was, after all, very peaceful.

]|[

Rei walked along the inside edge of a cliff-side road, letting the falling rain soak her. She shivered slightly, cold from the leeching water, but otherwise paid no attention to the rain cascading down around her. It had been several hours since she had taken her quiet exit from the classroom, during which she had searched a great deal of the city. Frustratingly enough, she didn't know him well enough to predict where he might be brooding, so after a while she had simply sat down and turned her mind inward. After some time getting drenched in the rain, she was able to isolate the pull she was feeling and wandered through the city letting her instinct guide her.

She stopped suddenly, squinting through the rain to recognize the object of her search gazing out over the railing across the street from her, pulling her wandering mind back to reality. The rain invaded her senses, surprising her with its dull roar. She was absolutely soaked and the water quickly drew the heat from her body. _Not good._ But there were more important things to her at the moment.

Rei stepped out and began to cross the road, slowly, hesitantly. The sound of rain drowned out her careful footsteps. The comfort of the solution she had conjured seem to slip from her as doubt crept into her mind, but the rain just continued to fall around her, indifferent to her internal conflict. Still, she did not stop moving until she was only a few feet from the young Ikari.

She waited, silently, pausing as her stomach did a little flip, her body wishing to reach out and make contact but her mind keeping her in absolute stillness. The downpour echoed around her, a constant white noise. After several moments, the third child turned gradually to face her, surprise in his eyes.

Seconds passed. It could have been an eternity. She just stared into his cautious eyes as he returned the tentative gaze.

His features changed. _Concern?_

"Why are you here?" he asked, his voice barely audible over the rain. His face was solemn, and for a split second Rei flashed back to the dream of them standing on the beach. But his eyes seemed more open, less cold and unfeeling.

It took her a moment to realize she hadn't replied, simply watching him as she tried to sort the emotions surfacing within. The answer was simple enough. "To find you," she spoke just as softly.

At that he cracked a slight smile, shaking his head. "Yes, but why did you come find me?"

Hmm. Why _had_ she decided to come find him? What reason did she have for seeking him out? She wasn't entirely sure of the answer. In the end, her action had been based on something of a gut feeling. She simply felt like it was the best thing to do, but she didn't know why. After all, it's not like she wouldn't see him again, and it had obviously taken a great deal of effort to find him.

Still, she replied with what she could. "I'm not entirely sure," she paused, tilting her head to the side slightly. Her bangs stuck to her cheek, and she watched as his gaze followed a raindrop as it journeyed from the center of her cheek and rolled down to drip off her chin. "… but it felt like the best course of action." She had frowned slightly as she started, looking down, but now her eyes found their way back to his.

"Are you alright, Pilot Ikari?" That was her reason for coming here after all. She continued to study him.

"What do you mean?" His gaze clouded slightly, but he held her gaze.

Stopping to consider for a moment, she answered "You… did not appear well after the battle. You were not in class this morning."

He raised a hand to scratch at the back of his head through his poncho, breaking eye contact and opening his mouth to speak, but he stopped. His mouth closed and his hand dropped limply down to his side. She saw his jaw clench slightly as he leaned back to rest against the railing again, supporting himself on either side with his elbows.

Moments passed slowly, the peaceful sound of raindrops filling the silence. Finally he looked up, again meeting her eyes and spoke. "I didn't go home last night... I still don't want to."

At this, she tilted her head to the in question, but did not speak. This was problematic, as he certainly couldn't stay out here too much longer. _Nor can I, for that matter_. She was starting to feel the effects of the cold, especially since she was no longer moving as much. She doubted NERV would be an attractive option for him, but he needed some place to stay warm and sleep, and if not his house then where?

_What about my residence?_ It had a working shower, sleeping quarters, sustenance, first aid, and even reliable contact to NERV should something go wrong. On top of that both pilots would be at the same place should they be needed. Blinking once as she nodded to herself, she voiced her suggestion; it was logically the best option by a wide margin after all. "You require a place to stay for the present, then. My apartment is the best option."

Drops of rain impacted her pale, cold arm as she reached for the third child's hand to lead him, her body acting before her mind. Shock and wonder rang through her as she realized her actions, but she kept her grip on his hand and began to pull him back to her apartment. She felt his tension from what could only be surprise as she led him, walking forward at a purposeful pace, but it barely registered. Emotions and sensations whirled through her. His hand felt so warm against hers (she was far colder than him to begin with), but a different kind of warmth blossomed in her at the contact. 

_Touch._

The sensation was pleasant. His skin was smooth against hers, their fingers intertwined. He hadn't tightened his grip much. Her body automatically made the long trek home as she focused at first on analyzing her reaction to his contact, but then simply allowed herself to bask in it.

]|[

Shinji pinched himself, _hard_, cringing at the sting.

_Nope, _he thought,_ not dreaming._

To say that he had never experienced anything like this was blaringly obvious. Sure, he'd held hands with a girl before or been led, but never with someone his age or someone he liked. Closing his eyes again as Rei led him, he sighed as he reveled in the contact. _This is… amazing_.

But he was stricken by just how small and cold her pale hand seemed as he had laced his fingers with hers so automatically. She was frigid, made obvious by the shivers he could feel gently shaking her arm. He had conceded to follow her quite quickly; her brief assessment ("You need a place to stay") was accurate, if not for his sake then definitely for hers. After all, he did not want to go home, though the idea of actually staying with Ayanami was rather nerve-wracking, though appealing.

It was some time before the pair made it to the giant grey buildings that housed Rei's apartment. The rain had of course only begun to come down harder (if that was even possible). They had walked what he supposed was several kilos, surprising him at the distance. Checking his phone with his free hand as she pulled him up the zigzagging stairs, he noted the time: 5:27pm.

_Wow._ He wasn't quite sure how long they had been walking, but he was more concerned with how long _she_ had been on her feet. Hesitantly, he decided to ask.

"Uhh… Ayanami?" His voice seemed louder under shelter of the building, though the rain was still pounding down around them.

She turned her head back towards him more, indicating that she'd heard, but kept silent and focused on the stairs in front of her. She still hadn't released his hand. He was trying very hard not to stare anywhere he shouldn't.

"How long have you been searching for me?" He already felt bad that she had come out in this awful weather for his sake. Hopefully it hadn't been long.

"I left class at 8:31 this morning. That is when I began." Her tone was emotionless, but somehow dismissive.

Shinji stopped in surprise, his hand coming loose as Rei continued her stride, but she quickly stopped to face him. She turned quickly turned to face him, examining his face as she tilted her head to the side in question once again. "…Pilot Ikari?"

"Wait… So you've been searching me for," he paused to do the math, "what, 7 hours?"

She simply nodded, her gaze still questioning.

"In that," he said in disbelief, indicating to her ill-equipped school uniform.

She nodded again, "Why do you ask?"

The third child had still not recovered from his shock, so he simply shook his head again and stared at her, trying to fathom what could possibly have gone through her head.

She waited patiently for several long seconds, the pings of raindrops hitting metal occupying the silence. "…Pilot Ikari, we have nearly arrived. Should we not continue…?"

He blinked and shook his head, trying to clear it. _First things first._ "Yeah, sorry," he said as he began to step up towards her but stopped when he returned within arm's reach of her. She hadn't moved, but was simply staring downward, her face slightly _puzzled? _He followed her gaze to its resting place, his left hand.

His thoughts clicked in place with surprise as he absently rubbed the fingers of his recently vacated hand together. Looking back up to meet her gaze, still focused on his hand in thoughtful confusion, and reached out tentatively to take her hand. She simply watched his hand as it progressed across, letting their fingers slide together and resuming her gentle but firm grip. For a moment she considered this, again tilting her head slightly, but then turned to continue leading him up the stairs, nodding in satisfaction.

They arrived at what was obviously her door shortly; she simply turned the handle and pushed the door open, entering. Rei released his hand to turn in the small hallway as he passed and close the door behind them. Sighing he looked inside at the dump with surprise._ I should clean this up while I'm here._ Filth and bits of trash were everywhere, though the apartment was walkable. Absently he walked to the threshold of the small apartment to inspect the main room. It was dirty, but it was a somewhat organized chaos. Functional, at least.

]|[

_To be continued…_

**Last Revision: 05:07:28, 12/28/2011**

**A/N: **Alright guys, sorry for the lateness. I know I keep saying I'll have weekly updates but the last few weeks I've kinda stretched it. I hope the extra bit of length on this chapter will make up for it. Now as for content, this chapter was very interesting to write, but it had me a little unsure.

Shinji's PoV. Horrible? Nailed it? And was the switching back and forth too confusing? It seemed necessary to take a peek into Shinji's head for this one, as I wanted to both show his reactions to Rei and how he's been dealing with everything. As the series progresses, I'm hoping to get into the other character's thoughts as well, though they really haven't started to make an appearance yet. What's gonna be interesting is when Asuka comes into play, hehe.

As always, big thanks to my continued readers and reviewers, your input means the world to me. Seriously, I like all of the critique and feedback that I get, especially the negative (which unfortunately, I'm not seeing much of; I was hoping to look for something I can really improve on. Then again, we're not very far into the overall story are we?). Never be afraid to hit me up with a review or a pm if you have questions, comments or suggestions.

**In reply to some reviews:**

Duder Skanks.. I really hope they do. Like really. But so far I only have up until right before Asuka's arrival planned out, so I'm not sure quite how I'm gonna handle that yet. Might not be pretty ;P

The-Mrning-Star.. I'm glad it doesn't seem to rushed. It was a hard decision to bump the rating up but I really do believe it's for the best. Regardless, any lemons will be well marked and easy to skip, I hope that's alright.

Saiyakitsune.. If you wouldn't mind pointing out any grammatical errors, I'd be incredibly greatful, I'm kinda crazy about that sort of thing. In regard to the whole 14 year-old kids bit, I almost think that's irrelevant. They're inexperienced, yes, and physically young, of course, but mentally? ALL of the pilots have had to grow up very, very quickly and are probably more mature than most kids even older than them. They also happen to be hormonal teenagers, and we teens have a knack for getting into things we shouldn't/aren't ready for. My view on it, is if it flows, go for it. I still wouldn't make it unrealistic or forced, and I certainly take the state of the character's mind into account. Sorry for the wall of text :)

Inyaole.. Yeah absolutely, it's really not my style to take things overboard like that. I try to focus more on the feelings and sensations within than the more… vulgar descriptions of body parts and the like. Regardless, if it doesn't flow well, there will be no lemon. Story must remain fluid.


	6. Tension

**Obvious Unnecessary Disclaimer: Still don't own Eva. Wish I did though.**

_I now regularly post information on the progress and rate of updates on my profile. If you are curious about when the next update is or something, check it out._

**A/N: **On time, for once. Ha. Enjoy!

_**Chapter 6; Tension**_

Warm fingers brushing across soft, silky skin, trails of fire in their wake. Smooth, flowing hair. Hands twisting through short dark hair, pulling, gripping. Breath, uneven and gasping, softly ripping from exhilarated bodies. Bodies that mashed together, striving, pulling, needing. _Closer._ Nothing else mattered. Skin against skin, breath intermingling.

Rei gasped, blinking as her eyes darted to examine the dimly lit shower around her. One hand braced against the small, square tiles. Hot water spewed from a blocky shower-head flowing across her short hair and down the length of her shivering body.

_Where am I?_

Reality set in gradually. Rain pounded the exterior of the building, the dull growl intruding even over the sound of the shower. Warm steam billowed around her, fogging the clouded glass door and kissing her skin with a coldness wherever it was exposed from the curtain of hot water.

Minutes passed. The tremors that shook her body as it desperately tried to generate its own heat receded with an agonizing slowness. Breathing stabilized. A deep sigh. The ache of tired limbs as they muscles finally released their tension. After all, she'd searched for him for nearly eight hours.

_Shinji._

The memory of him standing there examining her unkempt apartment, scratching his head sheepishly was fresh in her mind. The vividness of her previous fantasy gave it a surreal feeling as she recalled it. Odd ideas, things Rei had never really considered, but suddenly seemed so intriguing. Thinking of being so close to him stirred something in her, something both pleasant and almost painful at the same time.

But it also left the first child even more confused. She was surprised at her own thoughts, though it was dampened from emotional exhaustion. She knew of these sorts of things—the physical aspect of what could only be described as a romantic relationship—yet she didn't know why they seemed appealing now. And yet it wasn't that simple, it wasn't simple lust or sexual desire, but rather a need to be closer, as close as possible to that other person.

_Still, the facts remain._

It would be considered distasteful. While it didn't matter to her, she was still distantly related to the boy. It was annoying really. She didn't know exactly how closely her gene's matched his mother's; she had never cared enough to find out before, if she could even have gotten Doctor Akagi to tell her in the first place. Angel DNA was rather unstable, after all. It wasn't like Yui was the only other human donor, but she was still a significant part.

Conflict raged inside the small-framed teen as she stood brooding under the steady flow of warm water. It was difficult to think, to sort out the mass of emotions that whirled within, leaving her senses with a far-off quality. The world around her seemed oddly muted, somehow even more distant than usual. That is, with one glaring exception, doubling as a bothersome tendril that traced back to the core of her current impasse.

_Warmth. Satisfaction. Fulfillment. Pleasure. Need. Peace. _

She recalled the sensation of her hand interlocked with the young Ikari's, the memory somehow muddied despite the short amount of time that had passed since its creation. Her fingers rubbed together absently, slick with water. Memory just couldn't do it justice; it had to be experienced. But even though her memories seemed to distill the feelings (though they lacked their previous intensity), she couldn't make sense of them. It was like a total sensory overload. When she took his hand, everything else seemed to fade away to the burning focus that set her nerves alight as she absorbed the warm sensation of their touching skin. This sensation broke through the dull world passing by around her.

_But he doesn't know._

And that was the problem. For all he knew, she was just some random person with no connection to him what-so-ever other than his father and their shared burden of being pilots. He didn't know that she might be genetically related to him, even if not by birth; a half-clone of his mother. He didn't know that she was partially made of the very creatures they were trying to destroy.

Her understanding of society told her this was …distasteful. Incestuous. Wrong. Should she think it was wrong? Should she be disgusted? Sure, holding hands is one thing (and somewhat iffy at that. Family held hands, right?), but the images her mind conjured crossed well past the boundary of inter-family interactions and into the realm of an intimate romantic relationship—something she had little more than textbook understanding of to begin with.

Regardless, her potential relation changed nothing. She felt the way that she did, and could do nothing to change this (and she didn't want to either). But that wasn't the important part. What about him?

_Will he find this distasteful?_

It had bothered her before, especially when she had compared her feelings to romantic love. It gently gnawed at the back of her mind, though it hadn't influenced her ruling that her feelings were too dynamic to really define as a generalized concept like love. She had found words to be annoying and insufficient for describing emotional feeling; they just simply couldn't convey the spectrum and intensity of such incredible inner sensations.

Still, while communicating and even defining such concepts didn't matter all that much to her, it was critical for interaction with other people. A connection is supposed to be a two-way street, after all. How he felt about the situation was essential to the equation, and she knew nothing of his musings. This knowledge left her with yet another unfamiliar feeling to puzzle over: insecurity.

Rei was not a person of doubt. She never thought twice or hesitated. With every action was a sense of self-assuredness. She understood exactly what was required of her and when she didn't, she asked directly. There was no room for error or doubt in the scenario.

_But this is not a part of the scenario._

Engaging in something outside of what was absolutely necessary for the scenario left her well outside of her element. This was a place of doubt and indecision, a world where anything can happen. A world where her own satisfaction was determined by no other but herself.

But she was not entirely lost; it was still a world of reason. While things may seem chaotic and irrational at the surface, there is always an underlying web of motivation. There was always a driving force for even the most undecipherable happenings; it was decoding that fuel that was the problem. Even so, she was learning.

And it was from this slowly building experience that she came to understand after brooding for what seemed like an eternity that there were only two available courses of action.

_Hide the truth, or tell him everything._

Knocking intruded into the monotonous sound of steady falling water, breaking the first child from her intense reverie. She jumped slightly and her head snapped up to look through the steamy air at the bathroom door.

"Are you alright? It's been almost an hour." His voice was concerned. Soft and timid, but concerned. She would recognize this voice anywhere despite having heard so little of it.

"I am fine, I will be right out," she called, still soft but loud enough to cut through the din around her.

Time had slipped away from her in her musings, surprising her. She had kept him waiting for much longer than she intended. Upon their arrival, she had realized quickly that she needed to warm up after the persevering search of the city. Shinji had turned to her, his features changing as he took in the sight, and immediately asked of her wellbeing. She had started to reply with the standard "I'm fine" but he quickly interrupted her, telling her to take a hot shower.

This was sound advice, and since it was the best course of action for the situation, she had willingly complied. It wasn't until she was immersed in the spray of burning water that she realized exactly how cold she was. But still, her mind had wandered.

With that, she shut off the precious supply of warmth and began to towel herself off, stepping out of the shower. When she was suitably dry, she stepped out of the bathroom, the towel hanging loosely around her neck allowing the cool air of the apartment to bite at her exposed skin, and reached in the adjacent closet to dress.

Had the young Ikari been watching the naked girl, he would've been extremely embarrassed. In another time, he might have stammered and desperately tried (and failed) to keep his eyes off her, turning away and losing all coherent thought. But this was not the case.

Now fully clothed, Rei stepped out into the dimly lit apartment to find the subject of her conflicted thoughts standing and gazing out the window, facing away from her. The moment seemed so peaceful. It was still raining, hard. She could smell the warm moist air beginning to diffuse from the open bathroom. Thunder shook the apartment gently. _Must have been far off._

Rei stood still, letting her gaze take in the new guest across the room from her. He was standing casually, mostly relaxed, but there was still tension in his posture. His shoulders weren't slumped as usual and his back was straight. His hands were rested loosely in his pockets with his arms slightly bent at his sides. He had taken his poncho off.

Maybe he hadn't heard her come out. In another time he might have spent the hour he waited cleaning up her apartment, but this was not the case; he was too preoccupied with his thoughts. She was reluctant to interrupt his thoughts, but after a minute or so of waiting, she gathered herself to close the distance. It would be respectful of her to make sure he was not hungry or thirsty, as the host. One foot took the first step, followed closely with another.

A crinkling sound emerged from beneath the first child's foot in the split second before her uneven gait caused the wrapper to slide her foot out from under her. She stumbled forward several paces, but did not fall.

_Warmth._

She should have fallen. Her center of gravity was well past the point of recovery, but something had stopped her descent. Something warm. Looking up, she discovered herself in the thin but strong arms of an extremely surprised Shinji Ikari.

Once again, the world faded around her. There was no pattering of the heavy rain. Conflict was driven from her mind. Warmth spread from where their arms met. The closeness was both alarming and disarming. Her pulse pounded in her ears.

Warm breath tickled across her face. His eyes, just inches from hers, bore intently into her own. Those eyes, eyes too easy to get lost in. Pools of emotion that only hinted at the ocean of the mind beneath them, so filled with surprise.

Seconds ticked away like small eternities. She couldn't tear her eyes from his face, examining the open expression with which he regarded her. She watched it change. Surprise giving way to something else, something that stirred her insides and set her blood boiling. Still, her mind was empty of all but the moment she was living in.

His eyes closed. She blinked as he leaned forward, confusion briefly touching her mind, and then she felt his lips gently press against her own. For a moment, she was too surprised to move, but quickly her body took over.

Her lips parted, eyes closed. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else existed. The entire world consisted of this contact, where her body pressed against his. Something hard was behind her… the window? How did she get there. Her fingers wound through his hair as she pulled him closer. When did she move her arms?

Shudders trailed down her body as his fingers brushed against exposed skin, leaving paths of heat behind them. They were pulling each other closer, desperate to have more contact, more of this ecstasy. Breathing didn't matter. Nothing else mattered but the need to be closer.

_Shinji._ Another mind. For a split second, she was encompassed by Shinji, by his very being. His thoughts were her thoughts, his feelings were hers. Something stirred in her and begged to explode outward. Awareness cut through her mind and broke her from the beautiful world she'd lost herself in. Gripping the edges of her expanding AT field, she focused with all her will on holding it close to her, keeping it from strengthening into physical existence. With both hands she sent the body pressed against her tumbling away and across the room.

Breath came fast, gasping out as her chest heaved. Fire pulsed through her veins. The air around her seemed colder as she leaned against the freezing glass of the door to her balcony.

And her head was swimming in disarray.

Rational thought fought with the overwhelming sensations she'd banished but moments ago. Absently she slid down the door behind her, her hands dragging on the cool glass. Noise gradually returned to her as she became more and more aware of her surroundings.

The apartment was still very dim and unkempt. She noted the plastic wrapper that had thrown her off balance in the first place. Her heart still pounded in her chest and her breathing was still ragged. In an effort to calm down, she focused her mind on deep breaths and relaxing each muscle individually.

Minutes flew by. One hundred and twenty-seven breaths later, her breathing was more stabilized. She could no longer feel the strong pulse pounding through her head. But still, there was silence. Gears began to turn in her mind as she allowed herself to resume thought, leaving her with a single, critical question.

_What just happened?_

This was not a question that Ayanami had to ask very often. On the few occasions that she did, there was always someone to relay the exact nature of the previous sequence of events to her. At the moment, she had no one but herself to turn to for explanation, a prospect that was bothersome.

Several theories swam in her mind, but she pushed them away, steeling her nerves and opening her eyes. She lifted her head to look across from her where the young Ikari lay sprawled at the opposite end of the apartment.

]|[

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

Shinji scolded himself mentally. Why, why had he kissed her? What the hell had possessed him to take that step? I mean sure, they'd held hands on the way home which an especially new and exhilarating experience, but a kiss? He was completely shocked when he turned to a soft noise behind him and she landed in his arms. The closeness seemed to disarm him and drive away rational thought, the feelings that had been building in him for weeks coming to a peak. Their position was precarious, and he hadn't been thinking with clarity to say the least.

_I'll just apologize and hope she understands._

Mentally he cringed yet again. _Hope she understands? That's it?_ Though to be fair, she did seem to be enjoying the experience as much as he was until she sent him hurtling across the room. But that was a problem of its own.

He had felt it of course. What, he wasn't exactly sure, but it was familiar somehow. The answer was dancing at the edge of his mind, escaping his reach and leaving him frustrated. He had been watching her for almost five minutes now and she hadn't moved. Was she pissed?

_She probably didn't like it at all,_ he thought, caving to his self-destructive thought patterns.

And then she looked up. He'd been waiting for this, waiting for her to regain her composure to face him. He wasn't sure why he had the courage to face her right now, history dictates that he should be hauling ass in the other direction, but for some reason he wanted to stay. He needed her to be okay with him. More than okay, but okay was a start. Not that he could make it home in this torrential downpour anyway, after which he would have to face an irate Misato.

Their eyes met. Her eyes were always difficult to read, but they seemed flicker with emotion every once in a while and with his careful watch over the enigmatic girl, he'd been getting better and better at reading them. Yet right now, he had no idea what he was thinking.

_Well apologizing is always a good start._

"Ayanami, I.. I'm sorr—" she raised a hand, cutting him off in a request for silence. Instantly he shut his mouth.

She seemed to take a deep breath, blinking slowly. He watched her carefully, hanging on her every movement, waiting for her to speak. She didn't keep him waiting long.

"There is… much to explain." She paused, breaking eye contact to consider her answer. He thought he detected something in her gaze… worry? Indecision? Her voice was as emotionless as ever. Her eyes cleared and she looked back up at him again. They were still a full room across from each other, but he could hear her soft voice without trouble. "You had no training prior to your first mission in an Eva, correct?"

"Uhh.. yeah." What an odd question. Why did that matter at a time like this?

She nodded. "What do you know of the AT field?"

Another odd question. Still, he considered it carefully before answering. An AT field is a portion of space that could be changed beyond what the laws of physics allowed. Ritsuko had explained that much to him. Practically he used it as a physical shield and a way of neutralizing the enemy's physical shield, but that wasn't all it was limited to, was it? He had briefly considered at one point testing the limits of what you could do with space where there were no rules, but other things had taken priority.

He thought back to the feeling of using an AT field, a feeling that cannot easily be described. Then he answered.

"Well… Doctor Akagi said it was an area of space where there are basically no rules," he saw Rei nod, "but it seems like more than that. Projecting it… it's like an extension of the Eva's very being. It's warm and… safe? I don't know…" he began to trail off.

"You are correct. It is the container of the soul."

_Oh I see, the container of— wait, what?_ She was looking at him soberly, sincere and somber. Never once had he witnessed Rei lie, so she was likely telling the truth now, but he didn't really understand it.

"I… well," he paused, Rei waiting expectantly, "the soul? I don't understand what you mean."

He watched her nod again. "I cannot define a soul. Words are… inadequate. I do not understand the concept well myself. But the AT field is a projection of the.. borders? of one's soul. All humans have it, but they are not designed to be used in the way that Angels use theirs."

_Well… Okay, but why is this important again?_

She had paused, seeming… reluctant? He couldn't place it. He asked a question instead. "But what does this have to do with… anything? What just happened? And why aren't you mad at me for ki— …you know…" He trailed off, uncomfortably.

_Definitely hesitance._ He had hit the core of the issue here, but he had no idea why Ayanami of all people would be unsure. She always seemed so collected and thoughtful.

"I am not entirely sure, but I believe our minds touched for a brief moment, facilitated by either of our AT fields, in which you instinctively grasped at my AT field and thrust it outward." She watched him, measuring his reaction.

"But I thought you said human AT fields were not designed for that?"

"Yes… I am…" the corners of her mouth turned down sharply, and she looked uncomfortable. She wouldn't meet his eyes anymore. He didn't know what to say. He felt close to her emotionally, but why? They barely even knew each other, saying something like "_you can trust me"_ or "_don't worry" _would be almost insulting.

It took her a while to reply. "I am not fully human."

_Oh_. Well then. What the hell do you say to that? What was he supposed to think? How could he even accept that? What did it change? His mind swam with questions. He'd heard what she said, but he had no idea what to make of it.

"I don't understand." Simple enough, right? Definitely true.

"I was grown as a clone. My DNA is half angel—the same as we are currently fighting against— and half human. Many people assimilated their DNA to create the half that is human… one of which was your mother."

Silence.

Her head remained lowered. She hid her eyes from him. He just stared in shock.

Minutes passed, his head still buzzing with this new information.

_Mother._

And Rei? Rei was his, what, sister? The enemy? Something entirely different? He didn't have the answers.

The heavens continued their watery assault on the earth, filling the silence. It was painful. Minutes ticked by slowly, turning to hours.

He'd been sitting there for a while now, slouched against the wall, creating an uncomfortable cramp in his lower back that he ignored. His thoughts still churned in endless circles.

Rei finally spoke, her voice sounding more withdrawn than usual, still refusing to meet his lost gaze. "I understand this is much to take in. I require rest, will you be alright?"

"Yeah." He recognized his own voice. Did he say that? Rei moved slowly to the bed in the corner, getting under the covers and turning to face the wall.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed. It was still dark out, so it wasn't morning yet. His mind was clouded with the fog of exhaustion and his eyelids drooped, but his mind spun on. Slowly he got up and moved over to the desk, pulling out the shoddy chair. He moved towards the side of Rei's bed, stopping to admire the calming storm out the window before setting the chair at the side of her bed and taking a seat.

She was beautiful when she slept. Her features seemed to lose the hardness of emotionless control. She looked so innocent and helpless, like a fallen angel (ironically, of the heavenly variety). For a split second, he began to reach out as if to stroke her cheek, but stopped.

Slowly he retracted his hand to place it back in his lap, though he didn't stop staring at her.

_What am I supposed to do now?_

]|[

_To be continued…_

**Last revision: 05:09:13, 12/28/11  
>Written to: W&amp;W ft Ana Criado – Three O'clock<strong>

**A/N: **Sorry to leave things with a bit of cliffhanger. I don't have room for the next segment in this chapter so I'm pushing it off to the next one. This was kind of a hard chapter to write because of the obvious turning point we have here. Shinji finds out the truth about Rei, now how will he react? Both Rei and Shinji are on emotional overload right now, and I tried to build their mannerisms as such. They've been keeping it in and it's affecting them.

That being said, did I overdo the make-out scene? As always thanks to all my readers and reviewers, every bit of support helps me a great deal. If you notice spelling or grammar mistakes, please point them out in a review or a PM. As always, open to any suggestions you'd like to throw at me, ideas are fun to work with even if I don't use them or change them.

**In reply to reviews:**

Glad to hear that I capture Shinji and Rei's PoV well, I hope I continued to live up to your expectations in this chapter.

The-Mrning-Star.. To be honest, I haven't entirely decided yet. It's certainly appealing to me, as it would add a very interesting chaotic element to the story and one of the amazing things about the original Evangelion is watching things slowly deteriorate and come apart at the seams, though it wasn't exactly happy (which I'm fine with). With regards to the more unhinged Shinji, I don't think I quite agree. At the beginning of the story, Shinji was a lot more stable. As things progressed, he (like all the other characters) totally lost it. I think with the slight changes I've made (giving him something to focus on other than self-pity) and his more stable state at the beginning, he's alright for now. That being said, you will see the less stable side of Shinji a bit later in the story after a plot twist I've yet to reveal (muahaha.) After all, a story without a conflict is just a well put together collection of words, ne? Sorry for the wall of text.


	7. Something More

**Obvious Unnecessary Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, though it does seem to own me.**

_I now regularly post information on the progress and rate of updates on my profile. If you are curious about when the next update is or something, check it out._

**A/N: **I apologize for the delay, but this was a difficult chapter to write. Rating bump is complete, but no questionable material yet, I promise. Enjoy!

_**Chapter 7; Something More**_

The roar of falling rain had finally subsided, letting a serene silence fill the air of a peaceful Tokyo-3. Even so, the city was devoid of its usual bustle of birdsong and morning transportation. No, not entirely devoid; the occasional passing car could be heard along with a few other muted sounds of the early commute, but the seemingly ever-present construction crews remained silent.

Rei lay flat on her back, reluctantly pulling herself from the peaceful oblivion of semi-consciousness. She was quick to notice the absence of the sky's tears as they slammed into the ground, so unlike yesterday's steady downpour, but that was not the only thing that registered in her waking mind.

_Warmth._

Even though the heavens had ceased their torrential cries, there was very little light striking the back of her still-closed eyelids. With that in mind, she foggily reasoned that while the rain had obviously stopped, the skies probably hadn't cleared.

_Pressure._

Something was weighing down her midsection, something pleasantly warm and though solid, still somewhat soft. She could feel the slight depression of something lying close to her in the same area, though the sensation was slight.

As realization dawned on her that such a feeling was not routine despite its seemingly natural pleasantness, she finally peeled her lids open and began to sit up, wiping sleep from her tired eyes.

_Oh._ So that's what it was. Surprise shook her as she instinctively tensed, then relaxed, taking in the sleeping figure of one Shinji Ikari. He laid face down, still sitting in a chair, hunched over to rest his head on her flimsy mattress. While one arm lay crooked as a makeshift pillow for his head, the other was draped over her abdomen, gently trapping her against the bed.

Tearing her gaze from the disheveled hair and awkward posture of the sleeping pilot, she turned to take in the room around her. A dull light cast swirling motes of dust alight in the air as it entered dimly through the sliding glass door close by. The silence was somewhat peaceful, despite the vividness it seemed to foster. Her apartment remained as it always was—a horrible, dusty mess. Keen red eyes took in the stacks of dishes and the overflowing trash, the half-open bathroom door, the bloodied bandages spilling over a trash can next to her worn desk. Quickly she glanced at the clock.

_Almost eleven. We slept in._

Her eyes again landed on the sleeping figure that lay half crouched at her side. She felt her brow knit together as conflicting discomfort and worry fought with the sense of contentment and pleasure that sought to fill her up. She certainly had a unique and original dilemma on her hands.

_I disobeyed a direct order._

From the Commander himself, no less. Never, ever, had she even dreamed of doing something of that nature. Never before had she had a reason to. And yet all the same, she had found herself disclosing information of the highest classification to someone that not only lacked the proper clearance but could completely change the painstakingly laid out scenario of her esteemed Commander.

In the back of her mind she wondered what would happen should the elder Ikari discover her breach, but the forefront was currently occupied with the aftermath of the seemingly impossible decision just a night's sleep ago.

It was possible to explain the unorthodox happenings of yesterday evening to the baffled third child without breaking orders, but it left her with an unusually bothersome result; she would have to lie directly to the person she so desperately wanted to be closer to. In another time, she wouldn't have hesitated. Orders come first, always. But for some reason, she found the idea of misleading Shinji to be extremely undesirable. Lies only push people away.

The situation had left her with only a few options: try to cover the situation up or blow it off, refuse to answer, or tell the inquiring pilot the entirety of the truth he sought. For better or for worse, she had chosen to answer in full, confronting several difficult issues she would have rather simply left untouched. Even so, she had done so with reason.

_Action must be taken to incite change._

Rei was not satisfied with the current level of understanding that she had with the young Ikari. She wanted more, wanted a stronger connection, and wanted to be closer to him. Still, she was painfully aware of the result of pent up emotion—something made very clear to her from the barely aware and yet extremely heated lip-locking that took place yesterday. She bit back the urge to reach out and muss the third child's hair, to feel his skin and hair against her fingertips once again.

Had she been in control, she may have been able to keep things from escalating to that level. If only she had been more attentive and less focused on the maelstrom of intermingling emotion that stormed within, she may have been able to avoid stumbling in the first place. But now they had crossed a line that they would have great difficulty coming back from, if they were able to at all.

_A kiss._

Lifting her free hand, she gently brushed across her lips, still watching the sleeping boy in front of her. The concept intrigued her greatly. While she understood the idea of a kiss and its generally accepted meaning and purpose, she hadn't made the connection to _why_. It was simply something people who were very close did as a display of affection, be it romantic or otherwise. She had no previous understanding of the reason that this was found to be so desirable—but she certainly found out. Her mind spun at the very thought.

And yet it was a taboo. It was distasteful. Her very existence violated so many of society's principles and upheld values, let alone the idea of an intimate relationship with another, one she shared a certain unknown level of hereditary DNA with. She had no idea what to think about that by society's standards, so she simply applied her own.

_I am me._

She was herself, and no one else. These truths, so twisted in the eyes of others, did not change the being that she knew as herself; in fact if anything they were the building blocks that composed her, integral parts of who she was. To her, these were just traits of her physical body, just like hair color or height. Even so, a bond goes two ways. One cannot ignore the other party and hope to have a strong connection with another.

The echo of discomfort an anxiety rippled through her as she recalled waiting as Shinji brooded for an eternity last night. She often forgot that he did not think in the same way that she did. He was still bound by his humanity, and all its self-imposed (and seemingly ridiculous) rules and limitations. She could not hope to be with him when he was unable to accept things as they are, twisted or otherwise.

Still, she found it difficult to be anxious or doubtful with his presence so close to her, the heat and weight of his arm across her stomach standing out in her mind like a flare. She felt doubt, anxiety, indecision, and helplessness, but they all seemed so far away. After all, the only thing she could do is wait and provide clarification or perspective should he request it.

Rei caught her free arm, stopping it in its tracks as it reached down to take the hand at her side. Sighing, she reluctantly drew it back and held it behind her as if to discourage further attempts. She would not make advances while he was still undecided, as frustrating as it would be to contain herself. Her body yearned for contact with him, even if only the bare minimum, but she understood this need was not something that could be considered strictly platonic. It would be wrong to influence his decision with such things, just as it would be to take them without consent, no matter how much she desired them. Whatever his decision, she wanted it to be his alone. She would watch and wait, analyzing and considering his actions to gain more understanding.

Rei's eyes remained intent on the third child despite her musings, waiting for him to awaken. It was not long before he finally stirred.

]|[

Shinji grumbled softly, shifting his head in his arm as he fought back the blissful sleep that threatened to retake him. He was warm and comfortable, and the deafening rain had finally given Tokyo-3 a reprieve. Sure, there was an annoying crook in his back from his odd position, slouched in a chair, but that was easy to ignore, especially in light of the warm body beneath his extended arm.

He flexed his arms, feeling the satisfying cracks of stiff joints and pulled the warmth closer to him, sighing in contentment before tensing and stopping in his tracks as awareness lit his mind. This warmth was not supposed to be there. It was unusual for him to be sleeping in this position.

Memories of yesterday trickled through his mind as he sat up, reluctantly retracting his arm to his side.

_Oh yeah, Rei's apartment._

Rubbing sleep from his eyes, he took in the tattered apartment. Despite the dim light, he could easily see that his first impression of it was still entirely correct. The apartment was an unbelievable mess, though as he half-consciously glanced around he recognized the subtle order to the mess. Various items scattered the apartment, but they seemed to be grouped in a pattern. Discarded bandages were found in one pile, clothes in another, and so on.

Finally he turned to face the quiet girl in front of him. If she had minded his physical contact, she hadn't voiced it, though he considered that she was not the type that made her concerns known so freely. Sitting up, she was watching him with the same blank expression as always, studying him with a touch of guarded thoughtfulness lighting her deep crimson eyes. Her gaze brought his inner turmoil to the forefront of his mind.

_I have no idea what to say to her._

The still air seemed to accentuate his floundering mind, though the silence was not entirely uncomfortable. Even after pondering his dilemma for hours upon hours the previous night, he still had absolutely no clue how to handle his current situation.

_How am I supposed to react to this?_

Obviously he liked her as more than just a friend. _Friends sure as hell don't kiss like that…_ But he was still in completely unfamiliar territory, not just because he'd never progressed this far with a girl, but also the fact that she was in a weird way related to him… Oh and of course the fact that she wasn't entirely human.

But perhaps what disturbed him most of all was the fact that he _wasn't_ disgusted, or horrified, or any of the other negatives that he reasoned he _should_ be feeling. He couldn't even bring himself to feel awkward around her, even after such an intense kiss—not to mention the extremely odd subsequent situation that ended with her pushing him away, rather hard in fact. At first he had thought she had simply rejected him, but their conversation afterward pushed the idea from his mind, there were more important things to worry about.

His gaze drifted, moving down from her eyes to trace her porcelain cheeks and ending on the thin lips, slightly upturned at the corners. Oh those lips that had felt so warm and nice against his own—he closed his eyes and shook his head as if to clear it.

_I can't think about this right now. __**Why **__I am I thinking about this right now?_

Sighing after regaining his composure, he opened his eyes again to Rei's curious stare. He simply shook his head at her unspoken question and began to stand up, arching his back and stretching his arms over his head, then straightening out his wrinkled school uniform. The collapsible chair creaked as he rose, the soft sound amplified by the silence. He could feel her gaze following him, thoughtful but not impatient at his sluggish brooding.

_First things first,_ he thought, pushing his musings from his mind as his stomach let out a soft growl. The time they spent watching each other had passed comfortably, but the clock had raced on; it was time for lunch and they'd yet to have breakfast.

"Would you like me to make lunch?" he offered, returning his gaze to the first child. She hadn't moved from her reclined posture at the far edge of the bed, but the satin sheets had been pulled down to reveal the plain shorts and t-shirt of the P.E. uniform from school. He hadn't really noticed her attire last night in wake of other happenings, but it struck him as odd. Dismissing the question, he lifted his eyes to meet Rei's, awaiting an answer.

She tilted her head to the side with her trademark _'Why?'_ expression, but nodded in approval after a moment, as if dismissing her confusion.

Deciding to take what he can get from her odd mannerisms, Shinji proceeded to the cluttered kitchen, focusing on considering possible dishes he could prepare. Unfortunately when he opened the refrigerator, he quickly realized that he had precious little to work with. Lining the door were several shelves of bottled water, while the interior was filled with a slim variety of instant meals and on-the-go style snacks. Among these were several pre-packaged lunch foods, but he quickly judged them undesirable, reminiscing of Misato's "cooking".

He turned to walk back out of the kitchen after a brief and unfruitful search through the adjacent cupboards.

"Rei?"

She looked up, surprised at the sound of her first name. Mentally he cringed, but pressed on trying to ignore the feeling. After all, if a kiss doesn't get you on a first name basis, what the hell does? "Is there a super market or convenience store nearby?" he inquired quietly, adamantly ignoring the affects her gaze was having on him.

She considered for a moment and then replied softly, "Yes…" her brow knit together in confusion, "why?"

"Well… I was hoping to get some groceries for lunch," he stated cautiously, trying to measure her reaction. "There's only instant food in the kitchen."

Rei seemed even more confused at this. "Is that not… adequate?" she asked, her eyes boring into his own with a questioning but somber gaze, as if this was a life or death situation. _She'd probably react the same way in the midst of battle, ironically enough._

"Um, yeah I guess, but wouldn't you like something more?" He was genuinely curious. She ate the same way as Misato, but he doubted it was for the same reason. Misato went for the instant food out of laziness; she couldn't really cook and didn't want to take the time to learn or prepare meals anyway.

"Why?"

Huh. Because instant food is kinda nasty? Did she actually just ask that? He'd gathered that she was… work-focused, even socially unorthodox, but just how inexperienced with life was she? "Well, because it tastes better?"

Confusion left her gaze as she replied robotically, "Taste is inconsequential. They provide the required nutrition." Still she watched him as he continued to study her, even with the finality of her statement.

Shinji's concern was only growing. The trashy apartment, the instant food, her seeming disregard for her own well-being, and all of it seemed to stink of his father. He couldn't be sure of course, but he had a nagging feeling that her state of being was the direct result of his father's command. He could feel the anger brewing in him at the thought of his cold-hearted parent, and taking a deep breath, he pushed it to the back of his mind.

He closed his eyes. _Does this girl know anything about fun? Desire? Happiness?_ Never had he seen or heard of her doing anything for herself, just what was required of her, what was ordered. Granted he didn't know her all that well despite their brief encounters and shared burdens. Yesterday withstanding, she'd not spoken five words to him. But even her dark confession had seemed selfless; she didn't say it for her own consolation, but for him.

Still, he felt oddly close to her. He _wanted_ to help her. Watching another person in discomfort was something he found deeply unpleasant, and he tried to help where he could, where it wouldn't stretch him too far out of his comfort zone, but Rei's disregard for herself irked him even more than usual. Even then, it was more than that, almost as though he was dependent on her wellbeing.

_But how do I explain this?_ Preferring a home cooked meal to instant food seemed so obvious, so natural to him. After a brief consideration he opened his eyes to the first child's thoughtful stare. Maybe this was stretching, but her few words had given him confidence.

"Did you like the bento I gave you on Thursday?"

She considered shortly, unsure but willing at the change of topic. "Yes," she replied in a sure but quiet voice.

"And if you could choose between an instant meal and that…?"

Again her brow furrowed, but she replied quickly. "The bento."

Relief touched him for a moment, glad that she had given him the desired answer. "Why?" he inquired.

This seemed to puzzle the azure-headed teen who was now sitting at the edge of the bed. She had turned her eyes down in consideration to stare at her lap, her brow in a deep furrow and a slight frown gracing her delicate lips. Shinji was struck by just how cute she looked amidst the unmade bed with such an expression.

It took her some time to reply; she was not the type to give an answer she was not sure of, and he waited patiently. When her withdrawn voice finally broke the silence, he was startled—his eyes had been wandering again.

She locked him in her serious gaze. "The taste was most agreeable. It was a gift from you. I was able to eat in your company."

Now it was his turn to be surprised. A blush flooded his cheeks as she continued to watch him unflinching. His goal had been to get her to realize that she enjoyed the meal rather than just to stay alive, and he had not been expecting more than the first part of her answer. Still, it was not the first time that she had caught him off guard.

Deciding to ignore the last part until he could ponder it later, he continued with his plan. "If we get some groceries, I can cook again. We don't have school today, so there's plenty of time…" he trailed off, awaiting her input.

Rei took little time to decide. "Very well," she said, getting up and grabbing a school uniform from the closet on her way to the bathroom. Shinji turned away just in time to avoid watching her dress, even more red faced than before.

_This is going to be an interesting day._

]|[

_To be continued…_

**Last revision: 04:27:29, 1/6/2012  
>Written to: Sun Gone Down (Alex M.O.R.P.H. &amp; Chriss Ortega Remix)<strong>

**A/N:** So how the hell are you supposed to react to making out with a half-human clone of your mother? Denial of course! But that's a bit tricky when these annoying feelings keep jumping up in your mind. I figure that's probably the most realistic initial reaction for Shinji to have. This chapter was hell to write. How Shinji handles this whole fiasco is pretty critical to the story, so I want to make sure it's exactly how I picture it in my head. That being said, I will disclaimer right now: everything in this story is subject to change. Just because it looks like they're going to end up together doesn't mean they will be. This story does not have a pre-planned happy ending, if anything I'm leaning towards something darker. We're not out of the hot water yet ;P

This chapter is a bit shorter than the others, but the next scene is long. Sorry if it seems like a bit of fluff without advancement, but I thought it was necessary to see where the two stand. We didn't get to touch on the whole AT field bit from last chapter, but I promise you not only is it CRUCIAL to the plot but it will be explored in the chapters to come.

**Edit:13:29:43.. **Yes, in the next few chapters we're going to take a look at both Gendo's and Misato's perspective. Ironically this was suggested in reviews and I already had plans to do so :D

All reviews and feedback are appreciated, I really like seeing how this story is taken by other people. Seriously. Thank you. Because I'm writing it, it's hard to get a good grasp on what it feels like _without_ know how it's designed to be. All my chapters are written one by one without any form of pre-plotting or outlining but for the musings in my head. I try my best to proof read and keep grammar and spelling perfect, but please point out if I miss anything.

**In reply to reviews:**

Special thanks to Judicar Deimos, who gave me some extremely helpful advice and feedback both for my story and my writing style. I hope that it shows with this latest chapter. I had hoped to have everything resolved this chapter, but as usual my writing just seemed to expand. Perhaps resolved is too strong a word, but regardless I promise you a somewhat unique way of handling this that may come to serve me well later in the plot. It will also direct the coming changes and developments for Shinji's character.

amitakartok.. I have huge, grand plans for Asuka. While there will definitely be an element of madness later on, it's not going to be just her. I won't say that she will or won't pursue the third child, but she will without question be affected by the situation. I really can't say much more without spoiling some developments I'm going to make in the next few chapters. Bottom line: it won't be just her going crazy if madness is involved, and it won't be over the top. This may be a SxR fic, but that is both subject to change (though that thought is a bit unlikely, still possible though) and I intend to have the entire story and cast of Evangelion involved.


	8. Unstable Ground

**Obvious Unnecessary Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, though it does seem to own me.**

_I now regularly post information on the progress and rate of updates on my profile. If you are curious about when the next update is or something, check it out._

**A/N: **Late, I know. It's a wonder I've gotten it out at all amidst the piles of schoolwork on my desk, but here it is.

**Chapter 8; Unstable Ground**

The overcast skies that inhibited the warm sunlight from gracing Tokyo-3 still showed no sign of wavering. The air had a pleasant crispness and the taste of moisture without the discomfort of burning humidity. Water still covered the city from the last night's rain, dirty puddles scattering the sidewalk, leaving the odd smell of mixing rainwater and asphalt.

Rei found this weather to be most agreeable. Water had always captivated her; the feeling of it running fluidly across her soft skin, the heat it could either give generously or take away ruthlessly, the beautiful patterns created as light dappled its rippling surface. The feeling of being submerged was one of the most enjoyable things she'd ever experienced, before the young Ikari's arrival that is. Brushing off her dust-covered hands, she reentered the cracked entrance to her apartment, stopping in the small entryway to examine the changed state of her living quarters. And oh, how it had changed; after all they had been cleaning for the last hour and a half, at least.

The morning—or afternoon, rather—had passed quickly. As per her resolve to leave the brooding third child to his own thoughts, she had simply followed his lead, dismissing most of her questions in favor of thoughtful observation. It both intrigued and pleased her that he had maintained in rather close proximity to her since their awakening, even during their brief trip to a nearby convenience store.

She had watched him patiently as they walked shoulder to shoulder, close enough to invade personal space but still not bump into each other as they walked. Even though she had expected as much, she was surprised by the intensity of the… disappointment? that unfurled in her when their hands remained separate. The reminiscence of their interlinked fingers was still vivid in her mind despite the time that had passed.

Even so, he did not leave her side as he selected several things she assumed ingredients for their coming meal, something she had found herself looking forward to. He went about the day with a strong focus, keeping his actions (and probably his mind) firmly on the task at hand, moving with a quiet assuredness that almost seemed unnatural to the sheepish boy.

The meal of course brought delightful and startling new flavors to her otherwise bland experiences with food. They had eaten in silence, but that was fine with her; neither of them were what you might describe as verbose, or even socially adept for that matter. Once they finished, he had insisted that they clean up her apartment: "_No one should have to live in these conditions."_

She leaned softly against the wall at her right, ignoring the gritty texture as she let her shoulder support her. With half-lidded eyes she gazed out the window, listening to the sounds of the enigmatic third child cleaning the kitchen just out of sight. This way of thinking contradicted her few but firm beliefs in a simple but critical way; it implied she had value. Had it been this one simple act, she may even have been able to let it go, but a great deal of his actions towards her seemed to share in this trend.

_Why?_ The million dollar question. There were many things (specifically social) that she did not understand, a fact that she readily accepted. She had a purpose, so what else did she need?

The nightmare of her mirror self once again flashed through her mind, its words shaking the tower of her perceived reality from the bottom, toppling her trains of thought and making her second guess things she'd held to be evident with just a simple phrase:

_It is not enough._

But what wasn't enough? Her purpose? Her lifestyle? Was it that the purpose itself was not enough or does one need something more than a purpose to strive for? Regardless of her self-doubt, it concerned her that the Shinji was under the impression that she was in any way valuable. Critical, yes, but not valuable. A pawn can so easily be replaced.

The loud clang of falling dishes and a soft curse brought the girl out of her reverie and sent her moving automatically to the source of the sound.

]|[

Shinji gripped his throbbing fingers in both hands, closing his eyes and lifting his head to the ceiling as a hiss escaped his clenched teeth.

_Damn pots._ One of the screwed-in hooks holding up the heavy containers had ripped clear from the shoddy wood above the stove as he cleaned, landing squarely on his left hand. Gingerly examining the fingers in question, he noted that there wasn't any real damage aside from the redness and annoyingly piercing pain. Why did something so small have to hurt so damn much?

"Are you alright?"

The soft voice startled him, and he jumped as he turned around to face the azure-headed girl behind him, standing calmly just over the threshold of the tiled kitchen. Her eyes exuded concern, but in a level-headed sort of way that was typical of her introverted but confident persona.

"Y… yeah, I'm fine." But she ignored him, stepping forward and leaning over his clutched hand to take a look for herself, which did little for his flustered mind. He noted that she was careful not to make direct contact with him, only watching. Despite the lack of touch, he could still feel the warmth of her closeness but was too startled to even act instinctively on the welling desire.

When she stepped away, nodding in satisfaction that he was in fact alright, his thoughts regained a small measure of clarity. He'd spent all day trying not to think about his morally unstable attraction to the albino across from him. No, he certainly didn't want to kiss her again. Of course he wasn't thinking about that. And holding her? No way, that was out of the question. Of course he didn't want those kinds of things, not from his… his what? Sister? Mother?

But these feelings just didn't seem to want to go away. Did that make him sick? Normal? What if—

He shook his head strongly, trying to dislodge the thoughts he was so desperately trying to avoid. So engrossed was he in his little intro-dilemma that he completely forgot about the crimson eyes that were carefully absorbing and analyzing his every action. When he finally looked up, his thoughts scattered once again under the steady gaze of the first child. She was leaning casually against the counter across from him, several feet away, hands resting at her sides.

Her eyes were incredibly captivating. Wasn't it said that the eyes are the window to the soul? The _only_ window for the near expressionless girl in front of him. They seemed to hint at the depth of her mind, allowing a small glimpse into the mystifying thoughts she so rarely voiced. When she looked at him, her stare was so serene that it seemed to quiet the doubts and worries he was supposed to be having, like she could take on anything without insecurity of her success.

He wasn't sure how long they stood watching each other before she spoke, though he saw the question build in her eyes.

"Why did you insist on cleaning my apartment?"

It was so obvious to him that he hadn't even thought of the need to explain. _But,_ he thought,_ this is Rei we're talking about here._

"Well, isn't it much easier to live in a clean place? I mean it's a lot more pleasant, right?"

At this, a corner of her mouth turned down slightly, shifting her head to ponder his statement. "But it is unnecessary." Returning his gaze she continued, "I have all that is required."

Ah, so this was the heart of the matter. He supposed it was to be expected with his growing suspicion of the way his father had.. conditioned her, but it still surprised him. It was as though the thought of doing something merely for the sake of her own benefit was totally unheard of. She seemed to cut out all of the non-essential things from her life, living only for… for what? A twinge of anger stung him again at the thoughts of what bitter purpose his father might be having her serve, but he pushed it to the back of his mind so as to confront the current situation.

He decided to take a different tactic than simply explaining why, he wasn't exactly sure he could put it into words anyway. Attentiveness snapping back into his eyes, he faced Rei with determination.

"Why not?"

She took little time to reply, as though she'd thought of this before. It wouldn't surprise him if she had. Her face remained an emotionless mask and her eyes kept their inquiring light. "It serves no purpose. Wasted effort."

Biting back the cliché retorts, he replied with confidence, "Does it have to serve a purpose? It's pleasant, so isn't that enough? It doesn't work **against** your purpose, does it?"

At this, her brow furrowed and she broke their steady gaze, absently lifting one arm to grasp the other near the elbow, still resting at her side. Shinji was again reminded of the silence as it descended on them, no thoughts to block it away as he awaited her answer. He was careful not to think too much, or let his eyes wander down Rei's gently curving body. Her skin looked so soft and pale, sil—

He blinked hard, crushing the thoughts away and forcing his mind to remain on topic. Fortunately he was saved when she looked up and answered him, her voice touched ever so slightly with doubt.

"Why do you do these things?"

"I… uh, what do you mean?" he replied, his confidence waning slightly. They were dangerously close to territory he was trying very hard to avoid. His plan had been to get her to question her own convictions, but it had served to turn on him now. If she asked how he felt about her, he didn't know how he would reply.

"You refused to pilot until you knew it would protect me. You've given me lunch on two occasions, and now you help clean my apartment. Except for piloting, none of these actions were required. In fact, they did not even benefit you. You ask for nothing in return. Why?" Her voice was soft and level. Inquiring but assured.

The truth was he didn't exactly know. Even though he had gotten the nature of the question she had been about to ask, it had still thrown him.

_I can't watch other people get hurt._ It felt wrong. Unnatural. He was angry at his father for hurting her, and he was angry because the only thing he could do about it was the very thing his father desired. But even though from the second he'd touched her he'd felt something he couldn't explain, that was different from the other stuff because his father had more or less forced his hand.

He'd made food for her because he wanted to. He wanted to connect, and he wanted her to be… happy? But it wasn't that simple. He reached out for her as if to fulfill a physical need, with the same compulsion with which he might prepare food to eat. It was true that it was emotionally based and thus far more complex, but he _needed_ to be close to her. It was something he couldn't adequately put into words.

In the same way that he needed to connect with her, he also wanted to help. It wasn't just the poor living conditions and simple lifestyle that had irked him, but rather something deeper and stronger than he felt might be the case with another person.

_But how the hell do you explain that?_ He could barely even conceptualize it himself, let alone voice it to another.

Shinji let out a sigh, scratching the back of his head as he lifted his face to the ceiling once again. The albino across from him remained motionless, but he could feel her gaze burning into him. She was still waiting for him to answer, watching him with attentive eyes. He met her gaze briefly, but then looked at the cracked floor as he wracked his mind for words.

"I'm not exactly sure," he said after a while. "It's not something I can really explain. I…." He grabbed the bridge of his nose, exhaling in frustration.

"God, it'd be so much easier if I could just show you," he laughed wryly, letting silence again fill the air.

It was a long time before he found the words to speak again, but the only thing he could think of set his cheeks ablaze and his mind reeling.

_I care for you._

It was true, completely. He was certainly trying to convince himself that it was in a platonic way, but that thin defense was inevitably wearing down. Feelings of such intensity weren't meant to be bottled up for long.

Even so, he'd never told _anyone_ something like that before. His entire being tended to shy away from all emotional contact with other people, despite the fact that he wanted to quench his loneliness. _When people get close, they just hurt you._

His mother was gone. His father was a cold-hearted bastard. Anyone he'd ever even thought of reaching out to had only laughed at him in the end. And yet, what else could he say? She was waiting expectantly, albeit patiently.

Taking a deep breath, blushing furiously and staring at the floor as if it were the most interesting thing in the world, he summoned every last drop of his courage and spoke. His heart was pounding in his chest like a drum, his fists clenched tightly at his sides.

"I… You.. You mean something to m-me. I can't explain it really, I-I mean yes I don't like watching people get hurt… but it's different…" he trailed off into silence, his mind racing. He didn't want to get hurt, he was tired of this cruel world, always serving him pain. Life was so unfair.

Yet he couldn't help it. It wasn't just that he wanted to give her explanation, but for some unfathomable reason he needed her to understand. He wanted to be close to her, but he wanted her to be close to _him._

His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. Beads of sweat formed on his temple as he continued to stare at the crack in the dirty ceramic tiles, refusing to look up and meet her gaze, too afraid. He should be running, running away, escaping the hurt that had to be coming any second now, but something kept him pinned to that miserable spot on the floor. Waiting for the words that would cut him down.

But the silence stretched on, and on, and on. He was fighting with the urge to look up, to examine her thoughtful expression and her deep crimson eyes. He even opened his mouth to speak several times, but clamped it shut again. He would not rush head-long into despair. The silence was grinding him down, stirring his mind into a frenzy of insecurity. With painful clarity he knew exactly where she stood, casually supported by the countertop behind her. He could not feel her eyes on him.

How long had it been now, seconds? Minutes? It felt like an eternity. But finally, she spoke.

"You should not waste your effort," she said, her voice scarcely louder than a whisper in the dead silence around them.

Pain ripped through his chest. He'd seen it coming of course, everyone rejected him in the end, but even so it hurt so badly. Just a handful of words can so easily break a person. Strangely his entire body relaxed. He just wanted to run, to get out of there. He started to move towards the doo—

"But…" she continued, freezing him in his half turned posture.

_Hope._ Hope that would only serve to hurt him more in the end. Crush him not once, but twice.

"…I believe I… empathize? I understand this need you speak of."

_Shock._ Now the jumpy third child found himself pinned to the ground for a different reason as his mind struggled to comprehend the words he couldn't possibly be hearing. There was no way that she accepted his feelings, even returned them? No, no, no, that was impossible.

Or was it? He looked up now, his heart still pounding. The silence seemed louder than ever.

"I—" he choked, cleared his throat "What are you saying exactly…?"

Her eyes were clouded with thought, her expression hinting at pensiveness. Finally he had the courage to look up at her, determined to analyze her reaction. Was it not Rei Ayanami, the incredibly somber and serious girl in front of him, he would assume she was simply poking fun at him, just like everybody else; toying with his emotions just to watch him squirm. Even though it was, he still wasn't absolutely convinced.

Looking up she regarded him, "Words are not… adequate. I cannot find anything able to capture the essence of this… feeling. Feelings? But I suspect I am undergoing a similar experience to your own."

A tense moment of silence passed.

"Rei," he said, shocking her slightly with the serious and now almost aggressive tone, "do you mean that? Are you absolutely sure of this?" His fists were clenched tightly and his eyes squeezed shut.

_Ayanami does not lie. Ayanami does not lie._

Her voice seemed hesitant and almost curious as she replied, "You are afraid I do not speak the truth? I promise you that much. I am unsure of my feelings, I am not experienced in such matters… But I believe I am correct."

_Impossible_. His mind refused to accept what his very soul new to be true. He remained anchored in place, but again his eyes surveyed the features of the curious girl at his front, examining her face for any hint of what must be there, some form of dishonesty. But he could find not but genuine curiosity and concern in her eyes.

Minutes passed like seconds as they regarded one another, simply watching. It was not an uncomfortable or heavy silence like before, but rather seemed to fade into the background.

]|[

Rei didn't know how long they'd been standing there, across the kitchen from each other. In truth, she didn't really care, too perplexed and caught up in trying to decipher his steady gaze. Emotions danced behind his cobalt eyes, betraying the private recesses of his mind.

Even though she could not identify the exact emotions he was undoubtedly experiencing, the depth and intensity was apparent. He was regarding her with what seemed to be wonder and disbelief, as though she was deliberately leading him astray.

_Is that the issue? Trust?_

It couldn't be that simple. The words she had spoken were true of course, never once had Ayanami told a lie. For all logical purposes, he should believe her simply based on that, let alone the evidence that deceiving him would not benefit her in the slightest. What was going through his mind?

_To show…_ that would solve the problem would it not? But how does one show someone else their feelings? The closest thing would be to explain with words… inadequate, shallow words. Words that could not convey the depth and intensity, the true feelings that were being experienced.

_Still, there is a way._

She had experienced it of course, during the kiss. Not just the feeling of being close to someone, being so what she had later realized was _vulnerable_, but the less natural side-effect of last time. The melding of minds.

She couldn't be sure of course, it was very different from syncing with an Eva (though similar in the most ironic ways), but in that moment of time she had felt his very being. There were no words to trip them up or get in the way as they reveled in the pleasure of a fulfilled need, a strong and desperate need to be close to another. What she felt was not just the… _essence_ of who he was, like the taste of a soul, but also the thoughts and emotions coursing through him.

Mostly emotion, his head seemed to be as empty of thought as her own. Even so, if they could connect again under slightly more controllable circumstances that didn't cause him to reflexively extend her AT-field, maybe they really could skip the ineffective words.

It did pose a certain level of danger though, should she lose control of herself again.

And yet, the more she thought about it, the more appealing the concept became. No longer would she need questions to discover how he was feeling, or what he was thinking. If all went well, she may even be able to accelerate his developing conclusion.

Breaking from her musings, she examined Shinji with renewed awareness. It was decided, she would propose the question to him and he would decide. This would keep to her resolve in not acting of her own accord to influence his decision, but still allow the idea to blossom.

"Shinji," she said, causing his clouded gaze to clear as he returned her gaze, "I have an idea…"

]|[

Gendo Ikari frowned down at the report in front of him. The air was cold and still around him, casting an intimidating and unsettling atmosphere around him when combined with the absolute silence around him. The tree

The commander looked up from his desk to regard the Section-2 agent fidgeting uncomfortably in the center of the room and pinned him with a cold glare, bringing his hands up in a bridge that covered his mouth.

"Continue to observe the situation, do not interfere. Dismissed."

With that, he swiveled his chair around to face the back of his office, listening to the sounds of scurrying footsteps behind him. _This simply will not do…_

]|[

_To be continued…_

**Last revision: 03:51:32, 1/16/2012  
>Written to: NGE OST 3 – Crime of Innocence<strong>

**A/N: **Well I promised I would touch on the whole AT-field bit, though obviously I didn't have enough space to include it this chapter. Next chapter is gonna be fun ^^. As for the whole Gendo thing at the end, I assure you this is just the beginning. Next chapter we should also get a glimpse of Misato, and in the next few we'll cover some interactions with Touji and Kensuke.

Things are getting interesting now. I hope this chapter remained as polished and easy to follow as the last one. I'm going to try to keep to the one update a week trend, but it's likely to slip a bit in the wake of outside life. I'll do the best I can, though.

**In reply to some reviews:**

I believe it was Duder Skanks that requested "Rebuild levels of awesomeness from Shinji". Good sir, the next few angel fights are going to hint at and display some serious badassery. I hope you are prepared :D

I'd also like to thank my continued and steady reviewers like readerjunkie, The-Mrning-Star, and scorpioneldar who have yet to miss a review! Of course I'm grateful to all my readers and reviewers but I just wanted to give you guys a shout out, I notice!

Justicar Deimos.. Yeah Shinji is kind of (as The-Mrning-Star put) dancing around the elephant in the room, it's going to be interesting to write his thoughts next chapter, where I'm really going to start tackling how he feels about it. Rei's self-perceived lack of value is one of the main issues Shinji has with her lifestyle, though he hasn't thought it directly yet. I've planned a steady change for this that should conclude before Asuka's arrival.

scorpioneldar.. Things are about to get a hell of a lot faster too. I'll try to elaborate a bit more on the bond they share next chapter, those subtle implications to get you thinking is exactly what I desired.

Saiyakitsune.. Heh, I appreciate all feedback. Don't worry about not being able to point anything in particular out. I hope my chapters remain a bit more coherent now, I might have to go back and adjust the writing in previous chapters to keep things the same.

RaptorIV.. I'm sad this is an anonymous review or I would've replied much sooner. I've read that fic you were talking about before, as well as a great deal of the other SxR fics out there. Hell I even enjoy a good AxS when it's done well (and I can think of at least 3 off the top of my head that are amazing). It's certainly fair to say that everything I read and all the input I get affects my writing, but I'm trying to do something completely unique here, both in style and content. Glad to hear you approve :D

Bassclone13.. Gendo's reaction is going to be incredibly interesting. For me, I really enjoy both pairings as long as they're done well. I used to be a hardcore SxR fan, but some incredible reads have opened me to the AxS pairing and several others aswell. As for madness, I've decided exactly what level and where certain characters are going to really break down, and I hope it remains tasteful. You're absolutely right; Eva isn't exactly a walk in the park.


	9. Foundation

**Obvious Unnecessary Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, though it does seem to own me.**

_I now regularly post information on the progress and rate of updates on my profile. If you are curious about when the next update is or something, check it out._

**A/N: **So it's been almost a month. I'm sorry, really, but real life has hit me hard. I decided to sacrifice some sleep and get this chapter out, so I hope you enjoy it. It includes references to explanations of the last 2-3 chapters, so you may wish to re-read.

**Chapter 9; Foundation**

An idea. Something that can range from the mundane to exotic, from simple to mind-blowing. Not all ideas are especially ground breaking; in fact most are extremely basic. _I'm thirsty so I should get a drink of water._ But sometimes, ideas are born that completely change the way we see something or open up an entirely new line of thought that didn't seem to exist before.

Rei's ideas, products solely of her own mind, were few and far between. This rare idea would prove to be of the more mind-blowing nature.

Shinji was pulled from his musings by a simple statement, one that he had never heard from the introverted girl leaning across from him, one that she had never before uttered to anyone. Though he didn't know her extensively, the fact that she tended to keep her thoughts to herself was blatantly obvious. He was even suspicious that his father had… done something to her to keep her in this submissive do-what-you're-told kind of state. The poor girl didn't seem to have hardly any concept of self-interest, or self-worth for that matter.

Of course, even after such an unusual display of independence, she kept her usual deadpan expression. He regarded her with curiosity, staring back into thoughtful crimson eyes. There always seemed to be an endless sadness in her eyes, though he could see how some might mistake it for emptiness. It was the look of someone that accepted the nightmare in front of them because they were expecting to wake up. Her gaze seemed to clear as her focus shifted, meeting his eyes with clarity as she appeared to come to a decision.

Rei's gentle voice again pierced the quiet air. "Do you remember everything you felt yesterday, when you kissed me?"

He was listening intently, but the question was something he was completely unprepared for. He felt his stomach tighten at the prospect of tackling this uncomfortable subject, one he'd been dancing around since last night. The room suddenly seemed just a little too warm. Even so, though he wasn't exactly eager, he found it was a question that he wanted to address. Perhaps it was the mutual admission of indescribable emotion, or maybe it was sheer curiosity, but it was much easier than normal to keep from simply running away at the first sign of emotional distress.

Taking a deep breath that sent dust motes spiraling, he tentatively answered the potentially disastrous question; "…Yeah." He came to the sudden realization that he was blushing a great deal.

The third child's mind raced at the many things that could have followed, and as usual, he was not expecting what came next. The idea of tackling exactly what that kiss meant was especially unsettling. Fortunately, her idea did not involve such things.

"Specifically," she continued, "can you describe what you felt right before we separated?"

_More like you sent me flying across the room._ But meh, details. The question left him even more curious as to what she could possibly be thinking. This was a particularly blurry part of the memory, mostly from lack of understanding. Regardless, to try and put something like it into words was incredibly difficult. His brow furrowed in thought.

In that moment he had felt completely encompassed by the girl he had so desperately clung closer to. It wasn't just as simple as physical closeness, but rather for a split second he could feel everything about her at once. In that second, time had seemed to slow down. He followed his natural urge to simply be closer to her, latching on to the feeling. The sensation was overpowering and yet broad, and of course all-together unfamiliar. He would have a difficult time remembering a specific detail about exactly what he felt, though he had the concept as a whole.

_But how exactly do you describe that?_ It seemed that he was finding himself without words quite frequently around the first child, not that he was especially verbose to begin with. Thankfully, his dilemma was eased by another intuitive statement from the withdrawn girl in front of him. She was still watching him closely, her deep gaze not having left him since her initial question.

"It is hard to describe, is it not?" Nailed it.

"Yeah… what exactly happened?" he said, slightly relieved that she seemed to have an understanding.

Her reply was as neutral as ever, but still somehow managed to convey assuredness. "I am not entirely sure. I believe for a moment our AT-Fields…" she paused, seemingly searching for words, "overlapped? Crossed? Words are not adequate," she continued, her azure hair brushing a pale cheek as she tilted her head in thought.

Rei shook her head as if to clear it, continuing, "It is plausible that in that moment our souls made contact. What followed leads to the… sensation that you cannot find words for."

Silence.

So that was it, huh? The contact of two individual souls. He supposed he could have put two and two together, so to speak, from her previous explanation, but his mind had been otherwise occupied trying not to think. Still, while this bit of information was enlightening, what did it have to do with her idea?

He openly studied the first child's pale features, trying to decipher her thoughts with little success. While her expression was still more or less blank, he thought he could now detect traces of… determination? Possibly worry?

"My idea," she said, calmly interrupting his thoughts, "is to make this contact again." She paused for a brief moment, taking in the shock and lack of understanding that must be evident on his face. "This would, in theory, remove the need for words. The medium of communication could then be raw thought. As you said, 'it would be so much easier if I could just show you.' This concept would now be possible."

Maybe it was the fact that in the last month he'd been thrown into a giant mecha and pitted against a divine being sent to destroy the human race not just once but twice, all of which he'd previously never before even dreamed of, but the idea somehow didn't seem entirely insane. Even last night the odd girl had told him of her rather unsettling origins, though he was having a little trouble accepting it; she seemed very human, albeit a little unorthodox.

Still there was one glaring flaw in this borderline crazy plan. _What about last time?_

"Didn't I almost extend your AT-Field the last time?"

Her gaze seemed to darken for a split second before returning to normal. "That is a risk, but I believe I can control this if we are both more… aware of our actions."

He felt heat flood his cheeks once again, though he refused to break eye contact. Yeah, they had been a little pre-occupied. Even so, what exactly is the level of damage if things go wrong? And how would they even do it anyway?

"What are the stakes?" he spoke, pensive.

Rei tilted her head to the side in trademark fashion, question apparent in her eyes. Her fine hair again fell lightly against one cheek.

Ignoring the undeniable cuteness, the third child clarified: "What happens if you can't control it. The AT-Field I mean."

Her posture returning to normal, she addressed the question. "Again, I am unsure. The effects could be nothing at all, or could cause heavy damage to our surroundings. It could also potentially set off angel alarms at NERV. All of this depends on the strength with which the AT-Field is projected."

Okay, so really, really high stakes. Then again, the benefits were equally appealing. He could not deny that he wished to be closer to the girl, and though he didn't know how to feel about her origins, this urge was something he could not ignore. The draw that he felt to the strange girl was only getting stronger.

"How sure are you that you can keep it from projecting?" It was all a matter of odds. Did the benefit outweigh the potential risk? He felt crazy for even pursuing this line of thought, yet perversely he was unable to stop.

Her reply was measured but confident. "So long as you do not actively attempt to project it and we both remain aware, it is very unlikely. Even so I am not entirely sure; it would be far more difficult if I were to have to fight you for control. I cannot predict exactly what will happen."

This brought the third child to the last and perhaps most important question. _How?_ Last time it took a very intense kiss, something he was still very unsure on how to feel about and equally hesitant to repeat.

"Alright… and how would we accomplish this?"

Despite his own near-constant blush, Rei's cheeks remained pale as ever. Her answer also lacked the embarrassment undeniably present in his own voice. "It is likely that some amount of physical content would ease the process, though I do not believe it will require as much as before. If we both focus on the same non-physical closeness that we remember, we should succeed."

Shinji could not say that he was completely without doubt. The prospect of touching souls again was frightening. Despite the indescribable peace of that moment and the feeling of her mind, it was the very feel of that mind that unsettled him. Not the presence itself, but the addition of that presence.

Even so, he wanted it. He wanted to know that she meant the words she said before. He wanted to know who she really was. He wanted to know how she felt and if he felt the same way. It all came down to one thing.

_I want to understand._

It was this drive that led him to speak his next words, shoving doubt to the back of his mind as he prepared himself for what was to come.

Rei seemed to sense his decision, blinking slowly at him and raising her arm, releasing her other elbow, to bridge the space between them. Specks of dust swirled in the silence around them. His heart was again pounding in his chest.

His fist clenched as he shut his eyes, then opened as he gradually raised his arm to meet her fingers with eyes still squeezed closed. The contact was anticlimactic as their fingers touched, though strangely satisfying. In that moment he realized exactly how much he desired her touch, but pressed the stray thought away as he opened his eyes to regard the calm girl across from him.

She was now standing straight rather than leaning against the counter. Her eyes were as calm and self-assured as the rest of her demeanor; doubt did not seem to be present. She regarded him with a single question that set his heart pounding yet faster.

"Are you prepared?"

He took a deep breath, trying to ignore the urge to extend his fingertips that were only barely touching her and take her hand in his own. He was amazingly aware of her presence. Even without looking he could tell exactly how and where she was standing.

Doubt festered in the back of his mind, a gentle nagging that he so often succumbed to, an itch that told him to distance himself from any situation that he didn't know how to handle.

_I want this. I can't run away._

Taking another breath to steady himself, he strengthened his resolve. Focusing on her eyes, he replied with a sure voice that did not waver or betray the doubt he was wrestling. "Let's do it."

…

Two young teens stood in the kitchen of a shabby apartment, fingers touching gently in the absolute silence. A measure of time passed, both an eternity and but a moment. Soon two light gasps broke the still air as they again discovered a world that belonged only to them.

]|[

The Katsuragi residence was as quiet as usual. Even when Shinji was present, there was never any excessive noise but for the gentle sounds of day to day chores. Occasionally this quiet would be broken by a rather loud exclamation after a raven-haired woman downed an entire can of beer in one go, but for the last few days even this did not fill the quiet air.

Misato sat at the dinner table, an opened beer gripped in one hand and a large stack of paperwork cushioning her resting head. She had loads of paperwork to do (as usual), however this was not what occupied her rather unhappy thoughts (as usual).

_Concern._

She had taken in an introverted boy by the name of Shinji Ikari. He was going to live alone, but she insisted. She went out of her way to take him in. And for what?

In the end she had been using him too. Just like the people of NERV, the people that she both identified with and despised. Like much of the staff, she felt strongly about having to use children to bear the insane burden of defending humanity. But she found that when it all came down to it, she was just as bad as the commander.

The cold, heartless commander. Okay well maybe not that bad, but at least in some ways.

She hadn't seen him as the boy he was, but rather as just a pilot. When she scolded him, she scolded him like a soldier that had disobeyed orders. She realized her mistake now of course, as with the rest of her past she could see her mistakes clearly.

How could she forget that he was just a boy, just trying to make it through all this in any way that he can?

Her fingers absently tapped against the can as she blankly stared at the wall to her right.

To make it all worse, he'd now run away. _Not that I can blame him. _In a way she was almost glad for him, glad that he could get away from the hell that he'd been thrown into. But still, it was a temporary reprieve that wouldn't last. He'd have to come back soon enough. Section 2 undoubtedly knew his whereabouts and would keep him from physical harm, but they could not assure his emotional protection.

And she was worried, worried because she knew he was suffering. She wanted to help. She needed to help. But even if he was here she was unsure of exactly what to do.

Despite that a whisper escaped her shapely lips.

"Shinji, come home."

]|[

_Peace._

Absolute and total serenity. The contact of two souls is a sensation unlike any other, a fact that neither pilot could deny. Neither was sure of exactly how long they'd stood there, fingers touching at arm's length, before they managed to focus enough for it to happen. In reality, neither of them really cared. They were both sucked into the beauty of the present.

Two minds touched, both individual and united, reveling in all that they were. It was not as simple as a connection that allowed the flow of information, what might be referred two as telepathy. Their bond was far more complete and fulfilling. They were, in this state, completely able to feel one another's thoughts and feelings in real time.

Some of these thoughts consisted of words, but they were not bound by them. Neither were they bound by the time it takes to voice these thoughts or describe their emotions; they were simply able to feel them as they came into existence. Questions and answers were proposed and addressed as quickly as they could be conceived.

In addition to the near-instant relay of complex information, the connection itself was fulfilling. The two were close in a way that was absolute and otherwise unmatched. The feel of one another's mind was not just what they were thinking at the moment, but the essence of who they were; their character, their general thought patterns, everything that comprises a person: the soul. This feeling was of course broad and unspecific, but it is a sense of understanding that cannot be gained as thoroughly or accurately through face-to-face interaction.

While Shinji was at first a little scared of such an absolute connection and the unknown elements of what they were trying, his doubts were quickly banished. Time seemed to slow down around them as their connection solidified and their thoughts began to intermingle. Even so, they remained two individual beings and never lost their ego borderlines.

It was impossible to hide any thought, any emotion. There was no room for deceit in such an absolute connection.

The personalities and thought patterns of each pilot affected one another strongly. Shinji was grounded by Rei's logical and calm manner of thought, while Rei was granted a great deal of perspective and understanding from Shinji's outlook and experiences.

They focused on the bond that they shared, what it meant, and what all it entailed. As they both recounted the experiences of the last several weeks, both found that the connection they shared was strong and undeniable. But perhaps most important of all, they could trust one another without hesitation.

…

Shinji found himself being held in thin but strong arms. He was in incredible pain, but the pain was far away, dampened, as if he was looking through a foggy glass. Still, he could feel something, something where those arms held him up. A sensation, electrical, startling and fiery. He craved more of this contact as badly as he wanted to know what it was and what it meant. Looking up he saw his own face, his features distorted with concern.

In this moment he realized he was not Shinji, or rather this was a memory that belonged to Rei. It gained new meaning as he re-examined the feelings coursing through him. The confusion. The understanding. The need.

They were connected, suddenly he was aware of her presence again, all around him. The memory had passed over in a second, a small eternity, vanishing into the void as his mind resurfaced. He felt the question in her mind, asking what he thought of the memory she shared.

Replying without words, he then led her into a memory of his own.

…

Rei was sitting down, a plain school desk surrounding her. The sensei's monotonous drawl about second impact found her ears, but she was ignoring it. Instead, her focus was on a blue-headed figure that sat in the corner, staring out the window. She was still as a statue, showing no movement, aloof of the environment around her as if it was beneath her notice. Suddenly the girl's crimson eyes met with her own as emotion coursed through her. Anxiousness, wonder, curiosity, many forms of desire, the list goes on.

Soon the moment had passed and the girl resumed her vigilant gaze on the floating clouds as if nothing had happened. Her mind was reeling.

But it was not her, it was Shinji. Again she found herself surrounded by his presence as the moment passed, a brief eternity. Understanding lit her as she looked back upon the memory.

_This is how Shinji sees me._ She felt his acknowledgement, infused with both amusement and eagerness. Smiling inwardly, she took him on yet another journey.

…

Things continued in this fashion for an immeasurable amount of time. Neither was really keeping track or cared for that matter. Both were completely lost in the now tangible bond that allowed the understanding they so desperately sought after. With each discovery they found wonder and acceptance, gaining perspective.

Perspective. Amazing how much seeing things from another point of view can change.

Still, it was sequentially before the memory of the kiss that they broke apart, their minds withdrawing from one another, each left gasping for breath as they leaned back in the small kitchen.

]|[

Rei glanced over at the thin boy, examining his features as if to confirm that she was not awakening from some strange and elaborate dream. In his face she found the same wonder that filled her mind, the same bewilderment.

As her chest rose and fell, filling her lungs with satisfying and precious oxygen, she regained her composure, correcting her posture and slowing her spinning mind.

_Connection. Bond._

Words, concepts that had an entirely new meaning. And yet this new perspective was in many ways similar to the last, just expanded upon.

In their melding of minds, they had covered a great deal of ground in understanding one another, though they had barely scratched the surface. She found herself wanting more. She enjoyed the feeling of being that close to him, for more than just the understanding that she gained.

Blinking, she focused on Shinji. He was regarding her with a gentle half-grin. Even when their minds were connected, he seemed thrilled with the fact that she felt the same way as him. Not to say that she wasn't happy about this, but with him it was as though he thought such a thing was an impossibility, like her acceptance was an invaluable and divine gift.

"There is more I wish to know," she voiced gently, still partially out of breath. It was a little darker in the muddled room than she remembered, but she took little notice of it.

His voice was more confident than before as he replied, "I've got time."

Her cheeks felt odd as the corners of her mouth pulled up into what she recognized to be a small smile. The feeling was unfamiliar, but not unpleasant. While on the one hand the expression of emotion felt unnatural and odd, on the other she didn't really mind.

Her pale arm seemed to move of its own accord, lifting up in the gesture that had initialized this entire situation to begin with. She watched the third child take a breath before he mirrored her actions. In the next moment their minds were again united.

]|[

_To be continued…_

**Last revision: 04:59:32, 2/11/2012  
>Written to: Reanimation (album) – Linkin Park<strong>

**A/N:** This was a hell of a chapter to write. Questions were answered and raised. In the next couple chapters we get to see exactly how Shinji (and Rei) decide to tackle the rest of the plot. I've wanted to write these scenes since I started this fic. With regard to my next update, I honestly have no clue when I'm going to be able to sit down like this and write again. I hope it's soon. Really.

Comments for this chapter… In a lot of ways what Shinji and Rei are now sharing is far more intimate than even sex. This is not to say that there will inevitably be sex now, rather to kind of keep this in mind. I have hinted at the trademark ability that I'm going to be playing off of for Shinji in angel fights this chapter. It's likely to be glimpsed in the next angel fight. Shortened the experiencing of memories to just two… I figure going through every memory would get stale. You get the picture. Last of all I apologize if this chapter is hard to follow. This was largely more introverted and psychological than previous chapters.

I love your reviews. They make me want to blow off my homework and write more. Keep em coming ;D

**In reply to reviews:**

Thank you, all of you that reviewed. Seriously. I may not mention you by name but your feedback means a lot.

Shinji will be a badass, but I'm not going to overdo it. The rebuild comparison was mostly for giggles, his badassery is going to be unique and fit into the niche of this story.

Ah skyeandmax, good to see you again! And I hope this chapter hints a bit about Misato's view on things, I had actually planned this scene before your review :)

My goal is to slowly introduce the rest of the cast in bytes. The main focus of this story is Shinji/Rei, however I really want to include everyone. Asuka will probably get more time than the rest of the supporting cast simply because she's so key to everything.

Sooo, manga vs. anime. I like the manga characterization better. Still going to follow the anime.


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